Can people ever truly change?

I can certainly look back at one or two points in my life that weren't anything in particular at the time - but completely altered the course of life for me.

kids is a big 1.

if wisdom can seep in with age, i think people can change.
my girls made a conscious effort to challenge and terminate her addiction, i might qualify that as change.

Chris said:

a life changing event that shook your inner being to the core?

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kids comes 1st ..........but i had the opportunity to run into the man that beat me like a dog from age 4-15. i carried a hatred for this man for a long time, just happened to see him, his sister and mother walkin through a mall. i went up to him face to face and said, do you remember. he tried to push past but i got in front of him again and asked again, do you remember, he had this confused look and then i saw it, the light went off he now realized who was standing b4 him no longer a child, and blasted that bastard right in the face. that freed me to be the father that prick could never be.

Chris said:

Do you believe that people can ever truly change at the most basic, fundamental level?

I'm not talking about changing a habit, I'm talking about a complete transformation.

My personal belief is that people can change in this way but it takes a major catalyst.

One way I believe that real change can be ushered in is by having children. I often tell my friends that don't have children (some who insist they never want them) that they'll go through life never knowing exactly how having children can truly change a person. From the moment that child is born you feel your old self wash away and a new version of yourself being born. I'm not saying it's this way for everyone, but for most people this is a real transformation that takes place.

Having children is but merely one example but surely there are others. I'd love to hear your stories, testimonies, sentiments, and thoughts. Have you ever truly experienced a life changing event that shook your inner being to the core?

The purpose of this thread is simply to engage in meaningful dialog and discourse with others. There is no underlying context or nuance here, it's simply a discussion I'd like to have.

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Sure, I used to be a really nice guy that would give you the shirt off of someone else's back. Not any more.

I believe that people can change. I know on a personal level that I have. It’s a want to thing though.

someguysjeep said:

kids is a big 1.

if wisdom can seep in with age, i think people can change.
my girls made a conscious effort to challenge and terminate her addiction, i might qualify that as change.



kids comes 1st ..........but i had the opportunity to run into the man that beat me like a dog from age 4-15. i carried a hatred for this man for a long time, just happened to see him, his sister and mother walkin through a mall. i went up to him face to face and said, do you remember. he tried to push past but i got in front of him again and asked again, do you remember, he had this confused look and then i saw it, the light went off he now realized who was standing b4 him no longer a child, and blasted that bastard right in the face. that freed me to be the father that prick could never be.

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Good for you that you were able to do that and make things right within yourself.

Peppergat said:

Good for you that you were able to do that and make things right within yourself.

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what i learned from him is the man i'd never become i was always right with myself and my anger was directed accurately but being able to push it out through his face sure helped.

someguysjeep said:

what i learned from him is the man i'd never become i was always right with myself and my anger was directed accurately but being able to push it out through his face sure helped.

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Exactly. Sometimes you gotta let it out.

If you are talking about deep down inside then the answer is no..people don't change

Sometimes the change can happen as a result of a major event. Sometimes it's from a series of minor things in your environment. And sadly, sometimes it's erosion, pure and simple. Life wears you down. Your "environment" wears you down. People...wear you down. And as a result, you come to realize you've changed. Not all change is positive. I've seen and experienced both...all?...versions of said changes. For better or worse, it's made me who I am today, whatever that may be.

Chris said:

Have you ever truly experienced a life changing event that shook your inner being to the core?

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Yes, several times. A couple noteworthy ones were the discovery of a brain tumor back in 2011 and something last year, that I won't share details on, but it definitely cracked the foundation of who I thought I was. The most recent pushed me into a state of really sorting out what is important in life.

I will say that it takes an openness to allow these changes to come through otherwise we end up repeating the same cycles. The profundity of Seneca saying "The unexamined life is not worth living" cannot be understated.

Maturing, growing up and taking on responsibility for yourself and leaving the dog and pony show behind is one thing. A true soul shattering life changing event certainly can do the trick. But.......there are exceptions for some.

mrblaine said:

Sure, I used to be a really nice guy that would give you the shirt off of someone else's back. Not any more.

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You used to be a democrat!?!?

Chris said:

Do you believe that people can ever truly change at the most basic, fundamental level?

I'm not talking about changing a habit, I'm talking about a complete transformation.

My personal belief is that people can change in this way but it takes a major catalyst.

One way I believe that real change can be ushered in is by having children. I often tell my friends that don't have children (some who insist they never want them) that they'll go through life never knowing exactly how having children can truly change a person. From the moment that child is born you feel your old self wash away and a new version of yourself being born. I'm not saying it's this way for everyone, but for most people this is a real transformation that takes place.

Having children is but merely one example but surely there are others. I'd love to hear your stories, testimonies, sentiments, and thoughts. Have you ever truly experienced a life changing event that shook your inner being to the core?

The purpose of this thread is simply to engage in meaningful dialog and discourse with others. There is no underlying context or nuance here, it's simply a discussion I'd like to have.

Click to expand...

I'm sorry Chris, but no, you can't become a woman.

On a less fundamental level, yes people can but it is a process and many don't. People are a product of their nature, their environment, and what they do.
To many times people "want to change" and expect internal motivation will make them different. But they don't change their environment and don't have the discipline to consistently act differently, so they fail and give up.

One easily visualized example is fitness. People don't get fat and weak instantly and they don't get slim and strong instantly. It's a process that takes time and discipline to learn new behaviors. You stop filling your pantry with junk food so that you eat better and don't succumb to late-night cravings. You learn to exercise, and hopefully you eventually learn to enjoy it. You change your actions first, and who you are changes.

This applies to other traits. The more you lie the easier it is. The more you steal the easier it is. If you don't work then any work is extremely hard. You want to become a good worker? Then work. You learn by doing.

Your example of being a parent totally applies. Your environment changes when you have a child. You have a constant reminder to be a better person, so you work on it. And when you fail you see the consequences, so you act differently. And you gradually become a different person.

Change does not come easily I have been drunk for 40 fucking years I’m trying to stop being one now and don’t know fucking how to do it

BonesXX said:

Change does not come easily I have been drunk for 40 fucking years I’m trying to stop being one now and don’t know fucking how to do it

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I stopped drinking for 6 years to get away from cocaine. I'm just going to suggest to try and find a AA meeting in your area if you can. If you're really ready, you have to take the first step.

Chris said:

I have someone like this I’m always hoping I run into. Never beat me, but he beat and tortured others I went to school with. I truly hope the day comes where I run into that guy.

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i got that opportunity also........the kids in school were pretty tough on me, i was the poor kid that never had the cool stuff and they ridiculed me for it. they knew of my step father and if i got into a fight, that i was not allowed to fight back. and they took full advantage of this.

the wk we got that asshole out of the house, i went outside for the 1st time in months (i was pretty much grounded permanently) the neighborhood kids were playing football across the road and the 2 worst bullies were there.
one of them boys got the ball in his hands and i went black, i hit that boy so hard he was out cold.........his buddy jumped up right into my face, he was the real dick....................i grabbed that jersey he was wearing pulled that sucker up over his head hockey style and proceeded to beat that boys face bloody...it took 10 other kids to pull me off him. i never got messed with again. this was the moment everything in my life changed. this was the moment i changed. to never be that guy picked on again. Mon morn i walked into school with the huge chip on my shoulder......looking around at all of them daring anyone to say a word to me.........i'm not the broken child i was last wk anymore, ever again.
i understand your desire to teach the lesson. i have no tolerance for bullies either.

the funnier bit of it is almost 30some yrs later i get FB friend requests from both of them.....piss off.

someguysjeep said:

i got that opportunity also........the kids in school were pretty tough on me, i was the poor kid that never had the cool stuff and they ridiculed me for it. they knew of my step father and if i got into a fight, that i was not allowed to fight back. and they took full advantage of this.

the wk we got that asshole out of the house, i went outside for the 1st time in months (i was pretty much grounded permanently) the neighborhood kids were playing football across the road and the 2 worst bullies were there.
one of them boys got the ball in his hands and i went black, i hit that boy so hard he was out cold.........his buddy jumped up right into my face, he was the real dick....................i grabbed that jersey he was wearing pulled that sucker up over his head hockey style and proceeded to beat that boys face bloody...it took 10 other kids to pull me off him. i never got messed with again. this was the moment everything in my life changed. this was the moment i changed. to never be that guy picked on again.
i understand your desire to teach the lesson. i have no tolerance for bullies either.

the funnier bit of it is almost 30some yrs later i get FB friend requests from both of them.....piss off.

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I was in the service and this fucker beat up my little brother. He was always picking on the little kids. I came home from basic training with some pent up hostility. I took it out on that bastard.