An Outlet?

[Mike_H]

Hey all,

I need an emotional outlet...Sorry to unload on you all, but I don't do Facebook and my friends are great, but busy with their own lives. Little background...My wife and I don't have children, not because we don't want them, but because we haven't been able to. We're both 40, so that ship is whistling the final boarding call...not that we don't try Anyway, that is not what this is about. Since we don't have children, our dogs are our kids. We are "those" people who treat tour dogs like people.

Nikko, our oldest and the first dog we got "together" is about 12.5 years old. He's an Am-Staff Terrier/St Bernard/Rottweiler mix. Gentle as a spring breeze and the best damn dog I've ever had.

We had to take him in for emergency surgery last Wednesday night. He had a large tumor on his spleen that had ruptured, and it was bleeding internally. His red blood cell count was WAY low. Our vet said afterward, he wouldn't have made it through the night. Anyway, the surgery was successful, and our boy was on the mend. He was more chipper than he had been in weeks. Until Tuesday Night...he crashed. We rushed him back to the vet, they administered Fluids and a couple of other meds to treat symptoms. We brought him back yesterday, for more diagnostics. We found out that he is in as good of shape as he can be given the surgery. Also, we found out that he has cancer. Hemangiosarcoma is the particular type, not that the name matters much.

This type of cancer is VERY aggressive as it "lives" in the blood. It can go anywhere blood rich organs are (think liver, heart, etc) so there is no telling where it will surface or how long our pooch is going to make it. We can (and are) going to administer Chemo starting Monday (low dose to just make his remaining days a high quality). He is not in pain and doesn't know he is sick. So there is that. Unfortunately, there is no way to predict how long he has. The next time he goes to sleep, it might be his last.

All of this is great for him...which is what is important. However, for my wife and I...It is absolute HELL. It is so hard watching him try to stay awake and be with us, but not be able to keep his eyes open. He is having a hard time again tonight. Lethargic and doesn't want to eat. Its tough because we don't know if its residuals from the surgery, a bleed from the cancer, or something else. I have cried more this last week than I have in a LONG time. I'm exhausted. My wife is exhausted.

Has anyone else gone through this, or going through this? Having a loved one that you can't help is just about the worst feeling in the world. Do you get used to the ups and downs?

Like I said, sorry to unload on you all...My family has been really fortunate, we haven't had any cancer to deal with. I'm not yet equipped to handle this emotional rollercoaster. Any advice?

 

[Artemis]

I'm with you. Even tho I do have 2 human children, my pets are also my kids. I'm a real life Elly May! You never get used to the ups and downs of any loved ones illnesses. As for your beloved dog, as long as he isn't suffering and is still having a good quality of life, then enjoy every moment you have with him. But unfortunately, you must also prepare yourself for the day when he is no longer having the quality of life that you want for him.

 

[RussTJ]

When my dog, Holly, passed a few years ago I went through a tough time (she was almost 13 years old). My brother spoke to me and told me that we'd given Holly a better life than many pets ever get, that she was loved, well cared for and part of the family for all those years. It sounds like you and your wife gave Nikko a great life as part of a loving family. I hope you can find some comfort in that.

 

[IPerkWVU]

Sorry to hear about Nikko, I haven't had to go through your situation yet but will have to face it sooner than i'd like to admit. Have 2 dogs at the house, one that I've had since college 9 years ago. That dog has gone everywhere with me, moving multiple states and always keeping life interesting. It's going to wreck me when it's her time.

Not good for much advice but will be thinking about Nikko and you guys.

 

[Chris]

That's tough. I've never had to go through this with a pet, but I'm currently watching as my Dad battles Stage IV neck and throat cancer, and now a newly diagnosed lung cancer. I've watched for the past year and a half as he has gone through the maximum amount of chemo and radiation they are legally allowed to give you, followed by a years worth of immunotherapy.

The worst was the chemo and radiation, it practically destroyed him, and he'll never, ever be the same because of it. It's sad to watch him, because you know he's on death's door. In fact, if it wasn't for modern medicine (which is the only thing keeping him alive), he would have died well over a year ago.

He's on a permanent feeding tube now for the rest of his life, can't eat, and can't drink at all unless it's through the feeding tube.

It's hard to watch him suffer (because he truly is), but somehow he has the will to go on, which is beyond me. I think at first it was really tough knowing all of this, but as the time has gone by, all of us kids have come to accept that he's going to die.

Obviously this isn't of any help, but to some degree or another, I know what you're going through. It's not fun, not one bit.

Here's to hoping your pal makes it through okay. But, even if he doesn't, you can always rest easy knowing that you gave him the best life possible. That's a memory you can't forget.

 

[bobthetj03]

We lost our yellow lab in May. He was 14, riddled in tumors, but always had a good attitude, and didn't seem to suffer. A few months prior to May, we had to take him in to have a 5lb. tumor surgically removed. He seemed much better after healing up some from the surgery, but on the fatal night, something wasn't right with him. We stayed up most of the night with him, trying to comfort him as best we could. It was one of the worst nights we have experienced. It was 5am, we were exhausted, and he seemed to be resting comfortably, so we rested for a bit. Got up an hour later and he was gone. I live in the country, so I was able to bury him on our property. It ain't easy digging a hole for a 95lb. dog, let me tell you! He was the best damn dog I have ever had. Got him from a pup. It's tough, and sadly, my other dog, who we got as a pup was his best friend, so now I'm dealing with a lonely, depressed dog that I'm trying to figure out what to do next. Hang in there. You're not alone. Our kids are grown up and moved on with their own lives, so the dogs are our kids, so I know how you feel.

Last year or so, he couldn't get in the jeep, so we got a ramp for him.

Best dog ever!

 

[Shane Mckinley]

I’m sorry your having to experience this. Nikko will be in good hands over the rainbow bridge eventually. It’s hard but you learn to deal. Never get over the loss
Of any loved one

Positive thoughts with you and your family


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
2005 RHD TJ Sport
2010 BMW 528xi

 

[tworley]

Definitely a tough situation. Unfortunately its a part of life. Remember the good times and know that he enriched your lives, and you enriched his, far more than you can possibly know.

We had a cattle dog mix growing, best dog we've ever had. One morning we found him under the tree barely breathing, took him into the vet and he was littered with tumors all over his stomach. Never would have known it by the way he acted. Unfortunately, he passed before we got him off the mountain and to the vet. I know when our calico cat goes, my wife will be an absolute wreck (as will I). We rescued her as a kitten from two drunks who I honestly dont think knew they even had a kitten.

 

[Mike_H]

Thanks for the kind words folks. We're just trying to keep him comfortable right now. He is resting peacefully. I know his body is fighting. Its just so hard to watch. Monday the chemo starts, low grade to try and just maintain a certain quality of life. It won't cure him, the goal is just to get him to be himself for however long he has left.

I do not understand why such beautiful, loving creatures can contract such awful diseases.

 

[Equilibrium31]

Aww, damn, I'm sorry to hear about that bud. I've lost a couple pets to cancer and it never gets easier. And losing a pet can definitely be like losing family. I'm in a similar boat in that my pets are my kids. Nothing is worse than getting used to a house that's just a bit emptier after one of your little ones go. I still get little reminders of past pets and it can be rough.

I wish you and your wife the best in the passing of Nikko. =(

 

[Liberated]

Very sorry to hear this, Bob. My wife is approaching 40, I'm not far behind, and after several miscarriages, our pets are our babies as well. I have one that's 13, and she's my little princess (and she knows it too), but I'm watching her find life more difficult, with the knowledge that the sands of time keep moving for her.

I haven't dealt with canine cancer since I was a teenager, but my Mom has a rare and incurable form of blood/bone marrow cancer called multiple myeloma. My wife and I cared for her through a treatment last year in which they gave her enough chemo to kill all bone marrow, immunities, etc, and then reinject her stem cells to begin rebuilding. She calls the day of that injection her birthday now, but even though it's currently under a sort of control, her quality of life, and life span are greatly decreased. Add to this all, the fact that when released from the hospital, she came home to find her boyfriend of 20+ years had been diagnosed with advanced brain cancer, and dementia. The combination of it all just seems too much to bear at times. That's when my mother, my wife, and I have really had to lean hard into our faith, knowing that one day God will wipe away every tear, eliminate illness, and reunite us with our loved ones. Some call faith a crutch, and I don't deny it. He holds me up when I just want to collapse.

I will be praying for you, and your wife. Praying for peace of heart in the coming days, and healed hearts in the week's, months, and years to come.

 

[psrivats]

Very sad to hear what Nikko is going through. I really love both cats and dogs, they can be great companions and each of them have different personalities and quirks and likes and dislikes just like we do. They certainly become part of our families and it's heartbreaking to watch them silently suffer. Please give him a hug for me. I hope chemo is not too rough for him.

I have a orange tabby at home ever since he was a weeee little baby. I found him behind the apartment I was staying at back when I was a student, cold and wet, somehow separated from his momma. He was very hungry and mewling and scared. I took him in, thinking I'll take him to the vet and have them take care of him. Definitely did not intend keeping him. The vet told me it would be good if he can stay in a warm house till he gained a bit of weight. After a few days he simply stole my heart with how affectionate he was to me. I've had him ever since and he's my best buddy. He certainly knows when I'm upset or hurt (when I was recovering from shoulder surgery for example) and simply lays on my lap giving me company. I feel so guilty whenever I travel and I board him. The house certainly feels so empty without him and his meowing and purring and him walking by my legs all the damn time. I cannot even imagine him not being here but it'll happen someday and I'll be a wreck.

 

[Mike_H]

That's when my mother, my wife, and I have really had to lean hard into our faith, knowing that one day God will wipe away every tear, eliminate illness, and reunite us with our loved ones. Some call faith a crutch, and I don't deny it. He holds me up when I just want to collapse.

I will be praying for you, and your wife. Praying for peace of heart in the coming days, and healed hearts in the week's, months, and years to come.

I've always been a believer, but not always a church going Christian. I've found myself puting more into God's hands lately, and especially with our current heartache. Trying to pray for strength for my wife and I, that the pooch doesn't suffer and we're doing all we can without being unfair to him. I have to believe it's helping... Maybe faith is a crutch, but at least I can keep walking, instead of laying on the ground, unable to walk.

 

[Edward Turner]

It’s the reoccurring horror of outliving your favorite creatures. And it’s the hardest series of decisions you’ll face because your buddy can’t talk to give you answers. I’ve been down this road a few times and it’s never easy, so focus on the good and brush away the bad as best you can. My deepest sympathies go out to your family.

 

[Rob5589]

Been there myself. One day my lab was fine, next day too weak to even walk. Took her to the vet; cancer. They said they could do surgery and maybe give her a year. But she would have to stay down most of the time. She was a professionally trained retriever and lived for duck season. Knowing that she could never go back to the blind, we said goodbye about 3 weeks before the opener. It was the most difficult decision I have had to make to date. On opening day I spread her ashes around our tank and thanked her for all the birds she brought in over the years.

RIP Chance

 

[Squatch]

I've always been a believer, but not always a church going Christian. I've found myself puting more into God's hands lately, and especially with our current heartache. Trying to pray for strength for my wife and I, that the pooch doesn't suffer and we're doing all we can without being unfair to him. I have to believe it's helping... Maybe faith is a crutch, but at least I can keep walking, instead of laying on the ground, unable to walk.

I hope you understand what I mean when I say this, but a thread that was started about the heartache of watching one you love going through this sort of thing has become one of my favorite threads on the forum, because it has allowed some of us to show some compassion, and to mention our reliance on our faith in times of trouble and anguish without it seeming "out of place". Anyway, just wanted to say that.

 

[Mike_H]

Wanted to update the thread a bit. I haven't been on much, spending time with my boy. We got one round of chemo in, and had a great three weeks. He had some pep in his step, and actually played with our other pup, who is a very rambunctious cocker.

He had a setback on Thursday, but got better Friday afternoon. Was good most of the weekend, if not a bit more tired. Tonight, around quarter to one in the morning, he had a massive siezure. We took him to the emergency vet... Massive bleed on his liver.

Had to say goodby tonight. It's so hard... Looking around the house and seeing all the memories of him.

Thanks all for the well wishes. Wanted to update, in case anyone was curious.

 

[Squatch]

Wanted to update the thread a bit. I haven't been on much, spending time with my boy. We got one round of chemo in, and had a great three weeks. He had some pep in his step, and actually played with our other pup, who is a very rambunctious cocker.

He had a setback on Thursday, but got better Friday afternoon. Was good most of the weekend, if not a bit more tired. Tonight, around quarter to one in the morning, he had a massive siezure. We took him to the emergency vet... Massive bleed on his liver.

Had to say goodby tonight. It's so hard... Looking around the house and seeing all the memories of him.

Thanks all for the well wishes. Wanted to update, in case anyone was curious.

Very, very sorry to hear this, brother. Prayers for you and yours to find peace. Definitely going to be tough for a while. Hang in there, man. We'll be thinking 'bout ya.

 

[psrivats]

Wanted to update the thread a bit. I haven't been on much, spending time with my boy. We got one round of chemo in, and had a great three weeks. He had some pep in his step, and actually played with our other pup, who is a very rambunctious cocker.

He had a setback on Thursday, but got better Friday afternoon. Was good most of the weekend, if not a bit more tired. Tonight, around quarter to one in the morning, he had a massive siezure. We took him to the emergency vet... Massive bleed on his liver.

Had to say goodby tonight. It's so hard... Looking around the house and seeing all the memories of him.

Thanks all for the well wishes. Wanted to update, in case anyone was curious.

So very sorry to hear this man. He'll live in your heart forever and ever. Hang in there. This is the hardest part of having a furbaby.

 

[RussTJ]

I’m really sorry to hear about your loss. Take care.