Dad Jokes
- Thread starter mxz800
- Start date
THE MOTORIST AND THE RABBIT
I went for a drive in the country one day and accidentally hit a little rabbit. I walked back and picked it up.
Another car stopped and the driver asked if I needed any help.
"No", I replied, "I hit this rabbit and feel kinda bad about it".
"Give to me" he said.
On the front seat of his car was a bottle. He gently poured some of the contents into the rabbit's mouth.
In no time at all, the rabbit sprung back to life !
He set it down on the road.
It hopped into the ditch and it turned and waved at us.
It went into a hay field and halfway across, it stood up on it's hind legs and waved again.
Finally, just before entering a woodlot, it stood up on a stump and waved at us again.
"That's incredible", I exclaimed. "Are you a vet or-——— what the heck was in that bottle "?
"No" he said. 'I'm a barber, and that was hair (hare) restorer with a permanent wave".
I went for a drive in the country one day and accidentally hit a little rabbit. I walked back and picked it up.
Another car stopped and the driver asked if I needed any help.
"No", I replied, "I hit this rabbit and feel kinda bad about it".
"Give to me" he said.
On the front seat of his car was a bottle. He gently poured some of the contents into the rabbit's mouth.
In no time at all, the rabbit sprung back to life !
He set it down on the road.
It hopped into the ditch and it turned and waved at us.
It went into a hay field and halfway across, it stood up on it's hind legs and waved again.
Finally, just before entering a woodlot, it stood up on a stump and waved at us again.
"That's incredible", I exclaimed. "Are you a vet or-——— what the heck was in that bottle "?
"No" he said. 'I'm a barber, and that was hair (hare) restorer with a permanent wave".
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Did you know Pluto isn't a planet anymore? I read about it in the orbit-uaries.
Doctors treated a man who shoved 12 little toy horses in his butt. His condition is stable.
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it. I saw it with my own two eyes.
The interviewer asked me to describe myself in three words. I replied, "Lazy."
A pirate walked into a bar wearing a hat made out of paper towels. The bartender asked, "What's with the hat?" The pirate replied, "YAARRR! There's a Bounty on me head!"
A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender asked, "What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate replied, "YARRR! It's driving me nuts!"
Why do sharks swim in saltwater? Because pepperwater makes them sneeze.
A skeleton walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "What'll it be?" The skeleton replied, "A beer and a mop."
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
(You have to say that one out loud.)
Doctors treated a man who shoved 12 little toy horses in his butt. His condition is stable.
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it. I saw it with my own two eyes.
The interviewer asked me to describe myself in three words. I replied, "Lazy."
A pirate walked into a bar wearing a hat made out of paper towels. The bartender asked, "What's with the hat?" The pirate replied, "YAARRR! There's a Bounty on me head!"
A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender asked, "What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate replied, "YARRR! It's driving me nuts!"
Why do sharks swim in saltwater? Because pepperwater makes them sneeze.
A skeleton walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "What'll it be?" The skeleton replied, "A beer and a mop."
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
(You have to say that one out loud.)
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A lawyer, doctor, and engineer went golfing. They are playing behind another group that is moving very slowly. Ridiculously slowly. Eventually the course marshal comes by and they ask him what he can do.
He explained that what happened was the clubhouse caught fire. The FD was called and those guys came over to put out the fire. While they were working there was an explosion and three of them were blinded. In partial compensation, the club voted to allow them to play free whenever they want.
The lawyer immediately says, "I'm an attorney and I will do whatever I can to get them additional compensation for their injuries."
The doctor says, "I'm an ophthalmologist and will provide free care and work to determine if their sight can be restored."
The engineer says, "Why don't they play at night?"
He explained that what happened was the clubhouse caught fire. The FD was called and those guys came over to put out the fire. While they were working there was an explosion and three of them were blinded. In partial compensation, the club voted to allow them to play free whenever they want.
The lawyer immediately says, "I'm an attorney and I will do whatever I can to get them additional compensation for their injuries."
The doctor says, "I'm an ophthalmologist and will provide free care and work to determine if their sight can be restored."
The engineer says, "Why don't they play at night?"
What do you call a person with no arms and no legs floating around in the pool?
Bob.
What's black and white and has trouble getting through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head.
Farmer buys one rooster to pair with 150 hens.
Day 1.... his rooster runs to the hen house and bangs all 150 hens in an afternoon.
The farmer is impressed.
Day 2... farmer wakes up to squealing pigs... to find the rooster is having his way with them.
Farmer is amazed at the roosters sex drive.
Day 3 ... farmer finds his rooster banging the cows!
Farmer is shocked beyond belief.
Day 4 ... farmer finds rooster laying in field... buzzards flying overhead.
"Poor little rooster" farmer says, "you banged your self to death."
Rooster opens one eye and says, "shhh, you'll scare the buzzards away."
Day 1.... his rooster runs to the hen house and bangs all 150 hens in an afternoon.
The farmer is impressed.
Day 2... farmer wakes up to squealing pigs... to find the rooster is having his way with them.
Farmer is amazed at the roosters sex drive.
Day 3 ... farmer finds his rooster banging the cows!
Farmer is shocked beyond belief.
Day 4 ... farmer finds rooster laying in field... buzzards flying overhead.
"Poor little rooster" farmer says, "you banged your self to death."
Rooster opens one eye and says, "shhh, you'll scare the buzzards away."
This is by far my favorite dad joke.
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall??
Dam!
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall??
Dam!
I went for an interview. They said, "Can you perform under pressure?" I said, "I'm not sure about that but I'm really good doing Bohemian Rhapsody."
My pet mouse Elvis died last night. He was caught in a trap.
Just adopted a dog from the local blacksmith, soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.
My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?
They're both Paris sites.
My pet mouse Elvis died last night. He was caught in a trap.
Just adopted a dog from the local blacksmith, soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.
My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?
They're both Paris sites.
My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness. I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
hosejockey69
Member
Why do firefighters in Greece make every fire worse?
Because they are not supposed to be using water on Greece fires!
Because they are not supposed to be using water on Greece fires!
