Who has done it and was it worth it? How many have kept the peace just to keep the inheritance money from parents? How many have said fuck it I don't care about the money I want my sanity? Interested to hear experiences
What timing! I just got done with a huge argument with my wife and can you guess what the subject was about? Writing off her incredibly toxic family who continues to pull her back into their web of b.s.
I’ll have more later as the argument is still unfolding. These people are about as toxic as they come.
I’ll have more later as the argument is still unfolding. These people are about as toxic as they come.
Nothing will get a family fighting like a bit of inheritance. My sister and I both got along and did what was right for the other.
My wife’s family on the other hand is a different story. Five girls in the family and as far as I know none of them speak to the other. For years. Other than being a bit sad it hasn’t affected us too much. I’d really like to have a better relationship with my wife’s family but it doesn’t look like it’ll happen in this lifetime.
My wife’s family on the other hand is a different story. Five girls in the family and as far as I know none of them speak to the other. For years. Other than being a bit sad it hasn’t affected us too much. I’d really like to have a better relationship with my wife’s family but it doesn’t look like it’ll happen in this lifetime.
as my mom's family has proven, the inheritance money is not guaranteed even if you stick around.
Obviously I didn't recognize it as a child but once I grew up, I was able to understand that those couple of 2+ year spans of having no contact with any of my mothers side was her having cut off contact with her toxic family. Each time, her endless forgiveness eventually would let them back in when they'd finally come back and apologize (often only because they identified something they could gain by re-establishing the relationship), but once she fully recognized the issue (probably by the time I was about 9, she would have been 34) she kept good boundaries so it didn't bring any lasting drama into our lives or cause problems between her and my dad. I feel like that ability is probably pretty rare and complete no-contact is a safer choice.
Obviously I didn't recognize it as a child but once I grew up, I was able to understand that those couple of 2+ year spans of having no contact with any of my mothers side was her having cut off contact with her toxic family. Each time, her endless forgiveness eventually would let them back in when they'd finally come back and apologize (often only because they identified something they could gain by re-establishing the relationship), but once she fully recognized the issue (probably by the time I was about 9, she would have been 34) she kept good boundaries so it didn't bring any lasting drama into our lives or cause problems between her and my dad. I feel like that ability is probably pretty rare and complete no-contact is a safer choice.
For clarity purposes this is concerning my only sibling a brother who is a few years younger and has always been the baby. He is 45 years old and has never lived away from my parents his entire life. He and his wife are very greedy and have conned their way into people's lives and when they pass they are first in line to receive the money/goods. They are the type that will befriend an older couple and then when they pass clean them out.
My parents are still alive and have a will I'm place. I have not looked at the will nor do I care. I want nothing to do with my brother or his wife. It goes without saying there is a ton of back story that doesn't need spilled out here.
I am left wondering if it's even worth it? I worry they will clean the house out of all valuable possessions and manipulate the money from the will. Am I selfish for worrying about the money? Possibly but it's rightfully mine. But is the headache worth a few hundred thousand bucks at the most? Lots of things to think about
My parents are still alive and have a will I'm place. I have not looked at the will nor do I care. I want nothing to do with my brother or his wife. It goes without saying there is a ton of back story that doesn't need spilled out here.
I am left wondering if it's even worth it? I worry they will clean the house out of all valuable possessions and manipulate the money from the will. Am I selfish for worrying about the money? Possibly but it's rightfully mine. But is the headache worth a few hundred thousand bucks at the most? Lots of things to think about
BTDT GTTS GOO! Been There, Done That, Got The T-Shirt, Going On Oprah!
My late mother had BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder - and probably other mental TLAs as well. We were very close when I was growing up, but when I left home and got married, she came unhinged and stayed that way. Nothing could please her and she made herself and everyone around her miserable. I finally cut her off in Y2K, and took measures to ensure that she couldn't contact me - although an email would occasionally slip through, always a rager. In February of 2009 I received what turned out to be the last raging email as she had a stroke shortly thereafter and lingered on in a non-speaking life until early July when she passed through the veil.
I didn't find out about it until late November of that year - I think she was on her side of the veil screaming at me (as I have very little to no psychic ability) - I suddenly had an urge to google her name, and I found her death notice. It took a couple of months, but I was reconciled with my father, and had just over 1 wonderful year with him before he passed as well.
My wife has felt my mother's presence a couple of times, and a psychic aware friend wanted to know the significance of a piano as she felt my mother there (in the piano), along with her best friend whom my friend was able to name, although there was NO way my friend could has possibly known that name. Mother obviously wanted me to take care of my father, who had prostate cancer (we did).
The take away? What a fucking waste. Thanx to her illness, everybody lost. Her, my father, myself, my wife, and my step-daughter. It would have been far worse had I NOT cut her off cold - its now 14 years post, and I'm only now beginning to get over my anger with her. I'm to the point now where I think I can forgive her, but I don't want anything else to do with her. I do NOT want her waiting for me when I cross the veil, but otherwise wish her well. "May the Good Goddess Bless and Keep her... ... FAR away from me."
Wife's family is dysfunctional, but not to the same level. Her parents were always fighting (as were mine) and her mother was a drama queen. Wife's sister is a carbon copy of their mother, and wife wrote her off 2 years ago - and good riddance as far as I'm concerned, along with her 33 year old no-account son that lives with her.
My late mother had BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder - and probably other mental TLAs as well. We were very close when I was growing up, but when I left home and got married, she came unhinged and stayed that way. Nothing could please her and she made herself and everyone around her miserable. I finally cut her off in Y2K, and took measures to ensure that she couldn't contact me - although an email would occasionally slip through, always a rager. In February of 2009 I received what turned out to be the last raging email as she had a stroke shortly thereafter and lingered on in a non-speaking life until early July when she passed through the veil.
I didn't find out about it until late November of that year - I think she was on her side of the veil screaming at me (as I have very little to no psychic ability) - I suddenly had an urge to google her name, and I found her death notice. It took a couple of months, but I was reconciled with my father, and had just over 1 wonderful year with him before he passed as well.
My wife has felt my mother's presence a couple of times, and a psychic aware friend wanted to know the significance of a piano as she felt my mother there (in the piano), along with her best friend whom my friend was able to name, although there was NO way my friend could has possibly known that name. Mother obviously wanted me to take care of my father, who had prostate cancer (we did).
The take away? What a fucking waste. Thanx to her illness, everybody lost. Her, my father, myself, my wife, and my step-daughter. It would have been far worse had I NOT cut her off cold - its now 14 years post, and I'm only now beginning to get over my anger with her. I'm to the point now where I think I can forgive her, but I don't want anything else to do with her. I do NOT want her waiting for me when I cross the veil, but otherwise wish her well. "May the Good Goddess Bless and Keep her... ... FAR away from me."
Wife's family is dysfunctional, but not to the same level. Her parents were always fighting (as were mine) and her mother was a drama queen. Wife's sister is a carbon copy of their mother, and wife wrote her off 2 years ago - and good riddance as far as I'm concerned, along with her 33 year old no-account son that lives with her.
@Pman,
Write them off. It’s not worth the hassle.
My family invented dysfunction so I know where you’re coming from.
3 siblings and 2 are POS. I could go on for paragraphs about the shit I had to deal with.
It’s been over 25 years of no contact, one has since passed ( wrote about on this forum). It sucks but your well being and that of your immediate family is the most important thing.
I have some regrets but it’s on them not me. Take the high road.
I got screwed out of money, but what still hurts the most is that all my moms stuff disappeared after she passed. I have a couple of pictures of her and my dad but that’s all. I occasionally visit where their ashes are spread and that’s worth more than any amount of money or possessions.
Write them off. It’s not worth the hassle.
My family invented dysfunction so I know where you’re coming from.
3 siblings and 2 are POS. I could go on for paragraphs about the shit I had to deal with.
It’s been over 25 years of no contact, one has since passed ( wrote about on this forum). It sucks but your well being and that of your immediate family is the most important thing.
I have some regrets but it’s on them not me. Take the high road.
I got screwed out of money, but what still hurts the most is that all my moms stuff disappeared after she passed. I have a couple of pictures of her and my dad but that’s all. I occasionally visit where their ashes are spread and that’s worth more than any amount of money or possessions.
Last edited:
Do your parents see your brother for who he is or do they delude themselves that he is a successfully functioning adult? Do you trust him to at least make sure your parents are taken care of while they're living? What do you see as your role if he was out of the picture and your parents were no longer able to care for themselves?
Are you talking about cutting off the entire family or just your brother?
He will stick it to you. Folks that don’t make it on their own are the folks that will wait like a vulture and jump when they can. Sad.
That sounds like an aunt of mine and her sons. My sisters and I wrote that side of the family off many years ago, and no money was involved. It took my mother another ~10 to understand why and follow suite. No losses for us, only gains.
Money typically brings out the worst in families. It's a sad reality. My stepmother recently went through a very similar situation. She worked to get her half, now her sister who seemingly got the bigger half will not talk to her, and that's how it's been for about 3 years now.
If I was in that situation, I'd fight for what I'm entitled to, grab as many important family things like pictures as I could, then see where the cards land. Maybe yall continue to have a relationship, maybe not, just don't dwell on it.
Just let your parents gently know that you are available to be the executor of the will to ensure their affairs are handled fairly and then let it go. It will work out or it wont and you will earn your own, or not, on your own merit anyhow.
I would hope my parents see him for what he is but they continue to cater to him.
He will take care of my parents no issue there.
If my brother was not available I am far enough away that I couldn't offer care myself.
I am talking about cutting the brother off...which is hard because my parents still invite us to holidays etx together. How do you tell your parents you would love to go but can't stand there other son and his wife?
You don't. As best you can pretend to get along on those occasions for your parent's sake. I know because I made the mistake you are trying to make.
For me there is always a part that wonders how that person is doing, but that is my sentimental side that wants a close family.
The other part enjoys the simplicity of my familiar relationship, I practically cut ties with everyone- it’s own complicated back story but overall it’s a net improvement.
There is a point that I think it’s fair to recognize that we all-aged to adults/matured into who we became - and if were being honest some people add not just a no value but actually only a negative component to my life. C-ya… and I only pray that they are a addition to someone else life.
P.S. LOL I guess you only need to look at the song lyric below, to know where my head is at.
The other part enjoys the simplicity of my familiar relationship, I practically cut ties with everyone- it’s own complicated back story but overall it’s a net improvement.
There is a point that I think it’s fair to recognize that we all-aged to adults/matured into who we became - and if were being honest some people add not just a no value but actually only a negative component to my life. C-ya… and I only pray that they are a addition to someone else life.
P.S. LOL I guess you only need to look at the song lyric below, to know where my head is at.
Last edited:
That's we have been doing but it feels so fake and disingenuous
I know the feeling. My garbage uncle being there has prevented me from visiting my grandmother for about a year now because I just couldn't stand the thought of being around him. I still haven't been just because I haven't had time, but now that uncle is dead I'm looking forward to seeing her more often again...though I don't think she's gonna know my wife and kids. Her Alzheimer's is bad enough that even though she saw my uncle dead on the floor a month ago she still thinks he lives with her to take care of her.
My grand father was the most intelligent man I have ever know and was as near perfect as a human being could get. He was a judge, attorney etc. He developed alzheimers and was just a shell of the man he was. He didn't recognize anybody and would have random outburst which were totally out of character. He would call people names using language that would have never been used previously.
All this to say I'm sorry for anyone that has to deal with family suffering from this terrible disease.
Unfortunately, a very common dynamic.
We've got a couple of those in our family. Tolerated the pain of them for waaaay too long before surgically removing like the cancer they are. Now I have just as much concern for them as I do a lump of tissue discarded after a surgery.
My life is much more peaceful now and I wouldn't trade it for any amount of money.
Of course, the caveat is that I can keep the peace for a bit for my dad's sake, (88 and not up to the drama).
I can make more money but I can't buy peace.
Best of luck to you
We've got a couple of those in our family. Tolerated the pain of them for waaaay too long before surgically removing like the cancer they are. Now I have just as much concern for them as I do a lump of tissue discarded after a surgery.
My life is much more peaceful now and I wouldn't trade it for any amount of money.
Of course, the caveat is that I can keep the peace for a bit for my dad's sake, (88 and not up to the drama).
I can make more money but I can't buy peace.
Best of luck to you
It's different for everybody, but when they were in our lives my parents had a 3 hour rule at my grandparents house. 99% of the time, if we left within 3 hours of arriving we'd be out before things went south. It worked with them being about 40 minutes away. Probably wouldn't if it was the kind of drive that you stay overnight.
If it's a big enough issue then see your parents on your own schedule.when it can be genuine and meaningful to you.
Thankfully you aren't worried about your parents welfare.that can be scary.
Him being close to them will never let you control the narrative.all you can do is act in a way that lets you sleep at night.money be damned.
Thankfully you aren't worried about your parents welfare.that can be scary.
Him being close to them will never let you control the narrative.all you can do is act in a way that lets you sleep at night.money be damned.