So. I'm driving home yesterday going about 30 mph. There is a place on my road where there is an "S" turn in the road as it crosses a creek. As I'm approaching the curve, some good citizen in a jacked up white Silverado is coming at me through the S. He is clearly staring at his cell phone. I can tell this because you can't even see his face because of the phone. He utterly fails to straighten out from the last turn of the S, crosses the centerline still staring at his cell. Drives straight into my lane, straight at my TJ. Now this all happened pretty fast. Having no other real option, I instinctively yanked the wheel for a right turn. Now....I've had my TJ for a couple of years and have never had to make any kind of sudden direction change before so even though I know intellectually that our jeeps are short, tall, unstable non-sports-car vehicles, the resulting ride focused my entire attention down to a single fine point. What you might call a singularity. Here's what happened;
Yanked wheel to the right
Tj makes violent, heart stopping 400-g turn to the right.
Shithead in Silverado passes with whole microns of space to spare.
I'm quite sure we're up on 2 wheels now.
Bladder contracts with great violence, emptying the remainder of last nights beer, this mornings orange juice, and the 2 cokes I drank in the afternoon into my drawers.
I (in full, uncontrolled abject Panic) yank the wheel to the left to correct for the 2-wheel balancing act.
Jeep complies with much aggressiveness, resulting in another up-on-2-wheels dart to the left.
Sphincter spasms, discharging the remains of a Big Mac, my breakfast and most of last nights burrito into my already soaking drawers.
I now become a violently flailing passenger, miserably behind events and yet futilely still attempting to bring the TJ under control.
Tj, after a series of incredible fishtails finally comes to a stop, miraculously upright and undamaged.
Driver (me), heart pounding, entire body shaking from the adrenaline dump, takes a deep breath and stares out the windows with great wonder that my jeep is not bent, is still right side up and that I am not dead.
Driver (me) runs through every single cuss word he knows twice and invents 4 new ones to describe people who drive and stare at their phones.
Now,...I'm not really sure that the Tj was in fact up on 2 wheels but it sure felt like it and the skid marks in my pants seem to confirm it.
PLEASE do not use your cell phone when you drive. It's unnecessary, stupid, dangerous and irresponsible.
Thanks for hearing me out and be careful out there, people are stupid.
Yanked wheel to the right
Tj makes violent, heart stopping 400-g turn to the right.
Shithead in Silverado passes with whole microns of space to spare.
I'm quite sure we're up on 2 wheels now.
Bladder contracts with great violence, emptying the remainder of last nights beer, this mornings orange juice, and the 2 cokes I drank in the afternoon into my drawers.
I (in full, uncontrolled abject Panic) yank the wheel to the left to correct for the 2-wheel balancing act.
Jeep complies with much aggressiveness, resulting in another up-on-2-wheels dart to the left.
Sphincter spasms, discharging the remains of a Big Mac, my breakfast and most of last nights burrito into my already soaking drawers.
I now become a violently flailing passenger, miserably behind events and yet futilely still attempting to bring the TJ under control.
Tj, after a series of incredible fishtails finally comes to a stop, miraculously upright and undamaged.
Driver (me), heart pounding, entire body shaking from the adrenaline dump, takes a deep breath and stares out the windows with great wonder that my jeep is not bent, is still right side up and that I am not dead.
Driver (me) runs through every single cuss word he knows twice and invents 4 new ones to describe people who drive and stare at their phones.
Now,...I'm not really sure that the Tj was in fact up on 2 wheels but it sure felt like it and the skid marks in my pants seem to confirm it.
PLEASE do not use your cell phone when you drive. It's unnecessary, stupid, dangerous and irresponsible.
Thanks for hearing me out and be careful out there, people are stupid.
