Share your fun and funny life stories with us

[BlueC]

Every now and then a fun memory will hit me. Today, for some unknown reason I thought about my very first day working for a business, and it made me smile so I thought I'd share and see what stories yall have to offer.

Anyways, when I was 17 I got a part time job at a local Jiffy Lube. My first day was on a Saturday, and the manager told me to come in at 2 after the lunch rush. I showed up on time and the manager told me to hangout with employee X (I think his name was Jason) and he would be training me for the day. So I start tagging along with him. About 30 minutes into it he tells me something like you're doing fine, then hollers to the only other guy in the shop and tells him he's taking lunch. Employee X then clocked out, got on his bike (crotch rocket), and wheelied off into the sunset never to be heard from again. ( ok, he just wheelied down the street and out of sight, but I like to imagine it was a sunset, its more romantic ) Two hours later things got a little hectic in the shop when he didn't come back, to the point the manager had to get dirty. He was so mad.

A few years later I ran into employee X who just happened to be a friend of a guy I was working with at that time. I asked him what happened and he said he hit a Mexican restaurant for lunch, had a couple beers and just didn't feel like coming back.

My take away is, whenever it feels right, wheelieing off into the sunset is an answer, but there's no way I've ever considered doing that....

 

[Fixer6]

Growing up my rather strict father forced us to go to church every Sunday morning. It didn’t matter if it was a tent revival on the side of the road, or one of the many churches in town. With three other siblings the seating arrangement was always the same. Youngest brother, older sister, mom, dad, myself, then middle brother. This was done to keep any of us from messing around and getting into trouble while there. Dad sat with his arms extended on both sides behind everyone. He was known for thumping whichever kid in the side of the head that wasn’t paying attention to the sermon, and let me tell you it was quite painful. Being the oldest brother, and part time instigator, one Sunday I made a deal with the other kids, if you are the one who gets thumped today I’ll give you my dessert at lunch if you make big deal out of it somehow. I was thinking maybe saying “ouch” out loud or something. Well, it was middle brothers turn that day. He was drawing pictures and showing them to me. Dad thought he was doing something he shouldn’t be doing in church, and thumped him on the side of the head. My brother tossed the pencil and paper into the pew in front of us, then fell on the floor like he got knocked out. The lady behind us let out a fairly loud “oh my God!”, and stood up looking at my brother, who was now under the pew in front of ours groaning pretty loud, and rolling around holding his head. Everyone around us was looking at us like we just caught fire. As Dad reached under the pew to grab my brother, the preacher stopped talking, I busted up laughing as did my siblings. My mother had her head down and if she could have instantly disappeared, she would have. Dad had the “I’m going to kill all of you” look going as he continued to grab at my brother, which has now rolled under the feet of the people in front of us. A few deacons showed up and asked if we were ok, and if we needed any help. Mom started crying, Dad finally had my brother by his foot, the lady behind us let out another “oh my God”, and my siblings and I were still laughing. It was an awkward ride home to say the least, and nobody got dessert. Once the interviews were done, I was the only one who got disciplined, then grounded that evening.
I have say though, to this day my siblings and I still laugh about it. Our parents have both passed years ago now, but I’m sure they laughed at a lot of the stupid stuff we did throughout the years.

 

[Squatch]

Growing up my rather strict father forced us to go to church every Sunday morning. It didn’t matter if it was a tent revival on the side of the road, or one of the many churches in town. With three other siblings the seating arrangement was always the same. Youngest brother, older sister, mom, dad, myself, then middle brother. This was done to keep any of us from messing around and getting into trouble while there. Dad sat with his arms extended on both sides behind everyone. He was known for thumping whichever kid in the side of the head that wasn’t paying attention to the sermon, and let me tell you it was quite painful. Being the oldest brother, and part time instigator, one Sunday I made a deal with the other kids, if you are the one who gets thumped today I’ll give you my dessert at lunch if you make big deal out of it somehow. I was thinking maybe saying “ouch” out loud or something. Well, it was middle brothers turn that day. He was drawing pictures and showing them to me. Dad thought he was doing something he shouldn’t be doing in church, and thumped him on the side of the head. My brother tossed the pencil and paper into the pew in front of us, then fell on the floor like he got knocked out. The lady behind us let out a fairly loud “oh my God!”, and stood up looking at my brother, who was now under the pew in front of ours groaning pretty loud, and rolling around holding his head. Everyone around us was looking at us like we just caught fire. As Dad reached under the pew to grab my brother, the preacher stopped talking, I busted up laughing as did my siblings. My mother had her head down and if she could have instantly disappeared, she would have. Dad had the “I’m going to kill all of you” look going as he continued to grab at my brother, which has now rolled under the feet of the people in front of us. A few deacons showed up and asked if we were ok, and if we needed any help. Mom started crying, Dad finally had my brother by his foot, the lady behind us let out another “oh my God”, and my siblings and I were still laughing. It was an awkward ride home to say the least. Once the interviews were done, I was the only one who got disciplined, then grounded that evening.
I have say though, to this day my siblings and I still laugh about it. Our parents have both passed years ago now, but I’m sure they laughed at a lot of the stupid stuff we did throughout the years.

Dude! That is flippin' hilarious! Sounds like a scene from a Ray Stevens music video (think "The Mississippi Squirrel Revival")

 

[Squatch]

Okay, so back in '81, I was dating my first future ex-wife. We both told our parents that we were going to the high school dance that night. Technically, that was true. However, rather than go inside, I parked my '60 Chevy 1/2-ton at the far edge of the parking lot, overlooking a large grassy area, bordered by a tree line. Future-ex and I got busy, if you catch my drift, and in no time, we had the windows completely fogged up. After a bit, a car pulls up on the driver's side, and a roof-mounted spotlight begins to sweep into the cab. Now, being the clever 17-year-old that I was, I told my girlfriend to "just pretend we're asleep", because, you know... that always works. Anyways, after what felt like an eternity, the spotlight went dark, and the car backed out and left. Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

Future-ex and I go back to what we were doing. Eventually, a car pulls up beside us, but this time on the passenger's side. Rooftop-mounted spotlight illuminates, and again, begins sweeping through the cab. After several seconds of this, the light goes out, and they leave. Alright! Back to business! However, only a few short minutes later, a car again pulls up on the driver's side, and I hear a door click-open, and then close. Oh, shit! We're busted! But rather than hearing a cop knock on the window, I hear a female voice say "I don't care! I gotta go really bad!"

I can see the silhouette of the girl looking around as she stands by the door of my truck. She then proceeds to move to the front of the truck, and... I shit you not...stands up on the front bumper of my truck to look around and make sure nobody is in the area (I assume). Future-ex and I can see her through the only non-foggy area at the base of the windshield...maybe about three inches worth. The girl then jumps off the bumper and starts walking out about twenty feet or so in front of my truck, drops her britches and squats. Now, me being someone to never miss an opportunity, I told my girlfriend "Watch this...", and I reached over and pulled the headlight switch on. As I had pulled in with my high beams on, all four of those 5.75" headlights lit up, thereby illuminating the young lady's bare backside. At that moment, the gal lets out a scream and immediately stands up and starts running towards the car that's parked beside my truck, all the while trying to pull up her pants. She's yelling "You son-of-a-bitch! You son-of-a-bitch!" Then I hear the car start, and the gal is yelling "Wait for me! Wait!", before returning to yelling "You son-of-a-bitch!"

By now, the girlfriend and I are sitting upright in the bench seat, laughing our asses off as we witness the car make a hasty retreat. I suggest that we should probably leave, and fire the old truck up. I back out of the parking space, and just as I begin to pull away, a cop car comes up behind me, and follows us all the way out and off the school property. Heh, heh, heh...

I've enjoyed sharing that story for years, but I can't help but wonder what the young lady's version of that night might sound like. Similiar, and yet so very, very different.

 

[BlueC]

I've enjoyed sharing that story for years, but I can't help but wonder what the young lady's version of that night might sound like. Similar, and yet so very, very different.

I think there's a pretty solid chance her story involves the key phrases "there I was..." and "this son of a bitch..."

 

[suicideking]

I have a couple 'stupid co-worker' stories:


Previous job (about 5 years ago). I was working for an IT Support company. We had 3 levels of techs. At the time, we had two legit level 3 techs. One of them is apparently a drug addict. So he takes off in his car during work hours to go purchase drugs (meth I believe). He gets pulled over by police on his way back. Mind you, when he gets pulled over, is when he's heading down our cul de sac. He could've turned left and gone into a different businesses' parking lot. He could've turned earlier into maybe one of 3 other driveways. But no! He pulls in and parks right in front of the building lobby. Glass doors looking out to him getting arrested. He had enough drugs for it to be considered 'intent of selling' or something to that effect. Off to jail he goes.

A week or so later he comes back. Of course, they fired him that day. He lingers for a few hours cleaning out his office. I bumped into him. Without asking, he tells me there was never a time when he was at work that he wasn't high on something. I'm not shocked at all, but also not sure why he volunteered that info.

Dumb co-worker #2
I worked for a major ISP in the late 90's. I guess the Internet was new to many. Enough so that I would hope the following wouldn't happen today:
A major drug enforcement agency shows up at our door wanting an export of our email storage. Turns out an employee was selling heroine through her corporate email account. I wasn't supposed to see the emails, but since it was SO STUPID, a co-worker showed me how blatant the verbiage was. Her emails didn't even try to disguise what she was doing. They didn't use the work 'heroine', but might as well have. One was specific enough to say where she would meet them, what time, how much drugs would be sold, and how much she was expecting. So never saw that genius again...

Today I would think someone would at least be smart enough to use webmail or a burner phone.

Equally dumb client:
Working for the first company mentioned. A client asks us to go through an employee's email. Long story short: He was soliciting prostitutes using his company email account. The email that was the final email read was a reply to a prostitute where he arranged to stop by during business hours. It started with: "Those are some delicious tits! I'd like to stop by today..."

Owner of that business was a woman who didn't take kindly to his activities. Thereafter, we referred to him as 'Delicious Tits'.