The Thread for Military Tales & Anecdotes

qslim

qslim

The Man with the Big Yellow Car
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Seems to be a diverse smattering of military folk in here so I thought I'd start a thread for folks to share their stories.

Back in my F-16 days I was working on swingshift and we were reconfiguring a bunch of jets for the next week's missions. I had 15-ish trailer laden w/ bomb racks that I needed to get to backshop to exchange, so me and my airmen hopped in the truck to tow them across the ramp. We got to the loading bay, hopped out, and I told one of the airmen to get the trailer ready to drop off. I made it only a few steps and realized I had brought the wrong trailer, so I told them to hold up and get back in the truck.

Now driving back to the other end of the squadron, the flightline was on my left and several F-15 hangars were on my right. I'm only doing around 10mph when I start to hear this weird clanging sound. Couldn't quite place it, but when one of my airmen shouted "OH FUCK" I looked to my right to see the trailer loaded with bomb racks passing the truck and veering off to a hangar with several parked F-15s and a row of nitrogen tanks (the clanging sound was the trailer tongue bouncing on the pavement). Before I could even stop the truck my airmen bailed out the door and gave chase. I threw it in park and got out to try and catch up. Well, wouldn't you know it the damn squadron maintenance Chief just so happened to be driving by in his golf cart so he hopped out too. The three of us caught the ass-end of the trailer and tried to haul it to a stop, my airmen tripped and ate shit, and the Chief and myself got it stopped about 10 feet short of the hangar.

The Chief was red-hot. He shouted at the top of his lungs "WHO'S THE RANKING NCO OF THIS SHIT?" I gave myself up, and Chief walked up, put his finger about 1/8" from my nose and screamed "FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT!!" He hopped in his golf cart and went on about his day.

Turns out that when we got to the load dock the airmen had already opened the top of the pintle hook to transfer the trailer, and when I realized I brought the wrong one he just hopped back in the truck without closing it.

Later that evening the Chief called me in his office and wanted to know what happened. I just told him I fucked up, and that was that.
 
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One of the most comical things I ever seen, was in basic. US Army 06’.

We had a DS that would come up with some off the wall shit, since they couldn’t knock any sense into private’s anymore. The typical Gomer Pile, that can’t seem to pass a PT test, and has trouble following simple directions. Talking in chow line. This was around week 4-5 if remember correctly... anyway, this guy gets busted making some dumbass comment to one of the females that was working in the mess hall. DS calls him over, he reports. DS says, “The dying cockroach position... Move!”. Of course no one had ever heard that one before, and private motor mouth just stands there puzzled as hell. DS proceeds to tell him to get on his back, put all 4’s in the air, and repeat, “I’m a dying cockroach! Someone please kill me!” Until the rest of our platoon had made it through the chow line. Lasted about 8-10min.

Of course after chow we all received a nice smoke session, because we thoroughly enjoyed seeing this happen. Totally worth it by the way. He was private cockroach from then on. I always crack a smile when that one comes to mind.
 
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TJBob said:
One of the most comical things I ever seen, was in basic. US Army 06’.

We had a DS that would come up with some off the wall shit, since they couldn’t knock any sense into private’s anymore. The typical Gomer Pile, that can’t seem to pass a PT test, and has trouble following simple directions. Talking in chow line. This was around week 4-5 if remember correctly... anyway, this guy gets busted making some dumbass comment to one of the females that was working in the mess hall. DS calls him over, he reports. DS says, “The dying cockroach position... Move!”. Of course no one had ever heard that one before, and private motor mouth just stands there puzzled as hell. DS proceeds to tell him to get on his back, put all 4’s in the air, and repeat, “I’m a dying cockroach! Someone please kill me!” Until the rest of our platoon had made it through the chow line. Lasted about 8-10min.

Of course after chow we all received a nice smoke session, because we thoroughly enjoyed seeing this happen. Totally worth it by the way. He was private cockroach from then on. I always crack a smile when that one comes to mind.
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Dude, basic training was a riot. I had so much fun. Meals were almost always an event.

Our TI (USAF calls them Training Instructors) was a mess. He'd come in every morning hung over, so PT before breakfast was silent. He'd just do hand signals and no one was allowed to make any noise. If anyone even grunted it was over for everyone.

One night before lights out he came up to this fat kid that he didn't care for and handed him a bright orange towel. It was the night before a big dorm inspection where other TIs come in during the night w/ flashlights and inspect everyone's wall lockers. He told this kid to put the towel in his drawer, the kid protested but the TI of course won (all of our issued towels were dark brown).

Middle of the night we all hear the inspectors come in. They start looking through everyone's stuff and when they get to the wall locker of the fat kid one of them shouts at the top of his lungs "WHAT THE FUCK!!! LIGHTS!!!!" They turn the lights on in both bays and lit this poor kid up about the bright orange towel. He tried to explain but that obviously didn't work. The inspector started flipping beds, tipping wall lockers, throwing clothes, etc... It was a disaster. We all stood at attention while the dorm got destroyed. The inspectors told us to clean it up and left around 0300.

Our TI showed up around 0430 as we were still putting everything back together, laughed, loudly called us faggots, and went into his office.

Turns out the reg stated that the towels have to be one solid color but didn't state which color or that they had to match, so we still got a pass on our inspection. We found out later that the inspector was our TI's boss and our TI just wanted to mess with him.
 
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qslim said:
Dude, basic training was a riot. I had so much fun. Meals were almost always an event.

Our TI (USAF calls them Training Instructors) was a mess. He'd come in every morning hung over, so PT before breakfast was silent. He'd just do hand signals and no one was allowed to make any noise. If anyone even grunted it was over for everyone.

One night before lights out he came up to this fat kid that he didn't care for and handed him a bright orange towel. It was the night before a big dorm inspection where other TIs come in during the night w/ flashlights and inspect everyone's wall lockers. He told this kid to put the towel in his drawer, the kid protested but the TI of course won (all of our issued towels were dark brown).

Middle of the night we all hear the inspectors come in. They start looking through everyone's stuff and when they get to the wall locker of the fat kid one of them shouts at the top of his lungs "WHAT THE FUCK!!! LIGHTS!!!!" They turn the lights on in both bays and lit this poor kid up about the bright orange towel. He tried to explain but that obviously didn't work. The inspector started flipping beds, tipping wall lockers, throwing clothes, etc... It was a disaster. We all stood at attention while the dorm got destroyed. The inspectors told us to clean it up and left around 0300.

Our TI showed up around 0430 as we were still putting everything back together, laughed, loudly called us faggots, and went into his office.

Turns out the reg stated that the towels have to be one solid color but didn't state which color or that they had to match, so we still got a pass on our inspection. We found out later that the inspector was our TI's boss and our TI just wanted to mess with him.
[/QUOTE

Haha! That’s funny! It always amazed me how quickly, and thoroughly, a couple instructors can completely trash a barracks.
Click to expand...
 
qslim said:
Dude, basic training was a riot. I had so much fun. Meals were almost always an event.

Our TI (USAF calls them Training Instructors) was a mess. He'd come in every morning hung over, so PT before breakfast was silent. He'd just do hand signals and no one was allowed to make any noise. If anyone even grunted it was over for everyone.

One night before lights out he came up to this fat kid that he didn't care for and handed him a bright orange towel. It was the night before a big dorm inspection where other TIs come in during the night w/ flashlights and inspect everyone's wall lockers. He told this kid to put the towel in his drawer, the kid protested but the TI of course won (all of our issued towels were dark brown).

Middle of the night we all hear the inspectors come in. They start looking through everyone's stuff and when they get to the wall locker of the fat kid one of them shouts at the top of his lungs "WHAT THE FUCK!!! LIGHTS!!!!" They turn the lights on in both bays and lit this poor kid up about the bright orange towel. He tried to explain but that obviously didn't work. The inspector started flipping beds, tipping wall lockers, throwing clothes, etc... It was a disaster. We all stood at attention while the dorm got destroyed. The inspectors told us to clean it up and left around 0300.

Our TI showed up around 0430 as we were still putting everything back together, laughed, loudly called us faggots, and went into his office.

Turns out the reg stated that the towels have to be one solid color but didn't state which color or that they had to match, so we still got a pass on our inspection. We found out later that the inspector was our TI's boss and our TI just wanted to mess with him.
Click to expand...


Haha! That’s funny! It always amazed me how quickly, and thoroughly, a couple instructors can completely trash a barracks
 
I was the company yeoman in boot camp and had some paperwork to take care of for all of us at medical one day. I spend the better part of the day saying "yes ma'am" to the nurse that I was helping verify shot records. I was walking back to the barracks and ran into my Company Commander. He asked if I was able to get through all the records. I said "yes ma'am"! He wore these awful rose colored glasses and slid them down his nose so he could give me the evil eye over his glasses. I had nothing to do but laugh out loud and apologize. I guess since no once else heard it he was ok with it because he said nothing more.
 
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qslim said:
Dude, basic training was a riot. I had so much fun. Meals were almost always an event.

Our TI (USAF calls them Training Instructors) was a mess. He'd come in every morning hung over, so PT before breakfast was silent. He'd just do hand signals and no one was allowed to make any noise. If anyone even grunted it was over for everyone.

One night before lights out he came up to this fat kid that he didn't care for and handed him a bright orange towel. It was the night before a big dorm inspection where other TIs come in during the night w/ flashlights and inspect everyone's wall lockers. He told this kid to put the towel in his drawer, the kid protested but the TI of course won (all of our issued towels were dark brown).

Middle of the night we all hear the inspectors come in. They start looking through everyone's stuff and when they get to the wall locker of the fat kid one of them shouts at the top of his lungs "WHAT THE FUCK!!! LIGHTS!!!!" They turn the lights on in both bays and lit this poor kid up about the bright orange towel. He tried to explain but that obviously didn't work. The inspector started flipping beds, tipping wall lockers, throwing clothes, etc... It was a disaster. We all stood at attention while the dorm got destroyed. The inspectors told us to clean it up and left around 0300.

Our TI showed up around 0430 as we were still putting everything back together, laughed, loudly called us faggots, and went into his office.

Turns out the reg stated that the towels have to be one solid color but didn't state which color or that they had to match, so we still got a pass on our inspection. We found out later that the inspector was our TI's boss and our TI just wanted to mess with him.
Click to expand...
I had no idea a Hilton would allow such a thing😉
 
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I used to serve with a guy who was the master of the “there I was” stories. He was considerably older than I was, and had been in service for 21 years when I had only been in slightly over 2. He had gotten himself in trouble quite a few times throughout his time, and a few after I met him, as we were both E-5’s. He was one of those types that just didn’t know anything else but how to soldier, and as time went on, he resisted change, or somehow got hooked up with another guys wife, or drank too much, or got mad at someone. He would constantly test a new lieutenants resolve any time he was given an opportunity. One in particular got onto him about his uniform looking old and faded, and told him he smelled. Later that day the same lieutenant came busting into a radio class screaming about how somebody had literally taken a dump on the hood of his Camaro. There were boot marks where somebody had stood, and squatted. He demanded to know who had done such a thing. Of course nobody immediately owned up to it. The “Wanted” posters had a drawing of a guy squatting on the hood of a car, and were hung up everywhere. It was hilarious. The lieutenant would rip them down every day, and new ones would be up the next. When the posters changed to an advertisement of the lieutenant “looking for love”, our commander put an end to it.
 
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