Significant Other Advice
- Thread starter Hobbes62
- Start date
How long had you known her before getting hitched? Was there any indication prior to getting married that she would behave this way? Are there any new stressful situations in her life since the wedding?
Chances are there is stress/anxiety behind her behavior (shutting you down). If you're committed to making it work, you will need to determine what is causing her to feel that way. Next time she shuts you down, stay calm. Wait an hour or two until she's calm and then bring it up in a way that shows you care about the relationship.
Chances are there is stress/anxiety behind her behavior (shutting you down). If you're committed to making it work, you will need to determine what is causing her to feel that way. Next time she shuts you down, stay calm. Wait an hour or two until she's calm and then bring it up in a way that shows you care about the relationship.
Since your paying for most everything, when the "Masters" is done I can see a divorce in your future. Just speaking from experience I'm sorry to say.
Good luck my forum friend.
Good luck my forum friend.
Marriage is a funny old dog my friend. Two strangers from different backgrounds and suddenly you're sharing your lives.
For it to be successful you have to be morally compatible. You really have to like each other and you have to root hard for each other. You have to be a team and when one of you wins the team wins. You're not always going to agree with each other but you absolutely can't go to war - ever. It's all about respect and true friendship. If you're real friends you're honest with her, you're happy for her when she's happy, you want things to go well for her and you're truly devastated when they don't. You won't always be young and handsome like you are now and you won't always fuck like you do now - it's the natural progression of married life. But the key to a happy marriage is knowing your friend always has your back.
There's two sides to every story - maybe she thinks you neglect her or she thinks you're boring-ass dull - but if you are being honest with us (and yourself) and she's a shut-down bitch over a hobby you have you're what us old married guys refer to as "fucked". My only advice to you is to think real hard before you consider having kids. You're playing house right now - kids are the start of real life.
Some of the forum members here look at a Jeep and have a vision of what they want that Jeep to be when they finish a build. Unfortunately many people enter into marriage the same way, only people aren't Jeeps and they can't be molded into something they aren't. Good luck my friend.
For it to be successful you have to be morally compatible. You really have to like each other and you have to root hard for each other. You have to be a team and when one of you wins the team wins. You're not always going to agree with each other but you absolutely can't go to war - ever. It's all about respect and true friendship. If you're real friends you're honest with her, you're happy for her when she's happy, you want things to go well for her and you're truly devastated when they don't. You won't always be young and handsome like you are now and you won't always fuck like you do now - it's the natural progression of married life. But the key to a happy marriage is knowing your friend always has your back.
There's two sides to every story - maybe she thinks you neglect her or she thinks you're boring-ass dull - but if you are being honest with us (and yourself) and she's a shut-down bitch over a hobby you have you're what us old married guys refer to as "fucked". My only advice to you is to think real hard before you consider having kids. You're playing house right now - kids are the start of real life.
Some of the forum members here look at a Jeep and have a vision of what they want that Jeep to be when they finish a build. Unfortunately many people enter into marriage the same way, only people aren't Jeeps and they can't be molded into something they aren't. Good luck my friend.
I spent 15 years doing what you are doing now. Family first. I nickel'd and dime'd my toys together, it was no biggie.
The negative is when you want to spend say $50 on something , only to hear we don't have the money and the very next day we go out and drop $350 at the Stride Rite store on shoes the kid outgrows long before they wear out, it drives a wedge. That was probably 12 years ago now and it still irks me.
Having said that, I've been divorced now for about 5 years, have full custody of two teenage girls (who are expensive!) and I still have more money in the bank, can buy what I want, etc.. than in my entire adult life.
I'm getting older, life is short. Do what you enjoy and be happy. If it means a separate bank account just for jeep stuff and you're both happy with that. Win win!
The negative is when you want to spend say $50 on something , only to hear we don't have the money and the very next day we go out and drop $350 at the Stride Rite store on shoes the kid outgrows long before they wear out, it drives a wedge. That was probably 12 years ago now and it still irks me.
Having said that, I've been divorced now for about 5 years, have full custody of two teenage girls (who are expensive!) and I still have more money in the bank, can buy what I want, etc.. than in my entire adult life.
I'm getting older, life is short. Do what you enjoy and be happy. If it means a separate bank account just for jeep stuff and you're both happy with that. Win win!
From another old married guy I have to say that truer words have never been spoken.
Starrs
TJ Guru
so after careful thought I left my wife about an hour ago. You guys have set me straight. I don’t want this life. I want the Jeep life! Thank you!
You know what I learned with my wife? It’s much easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission 
I’m not kidding either.
And honestly just do what I did and buy her a full set of celebrity teeth and then she can never complain that your Jeep costs so much. Because now all I have to say is that her teeth cost more than any Jeep build I could ever do... literally
I’m not kidding either.
And honestly just do what I did and buy her a full set of celebrity teeth and then she can never complain that your Jeep costs so much. Because now all I have to say is that her teeth cost more than any Jeep build I could ever do... literally
06TJ35's
TJ Addict
Just tell her you want to buy a Gladiator or a JL for you won’t fix up your TJ. Let’s see if she likes that price. In all honesty you have no debt making almost all the income. You should be able to buy the things you want.
Starrs
TJ Guru
Half now is a lot cheaper than half in 10 or 20 years.
That's a good question. Master's in what?
I keep wondering if she's anxious to get in a house. Women are nesters.
Also, if she's shutting you down, something is wrong. You have to be able to express yourself and make decisions. It can't be one person running the show with a tantrum. In my family I talk to my wife about joint decisions, I want her input, but in the end, someone has to make a call and that someone is me. I want her support, but there have been times when I didn't have it and had to go ahead. They all turned out remarkably well. She has learned to trust me.
And the saying is, "It's easier to get forgiveness than permission."
Finally, did you read Genesis 3:6? Women sin pattern is to try to control their husbands.
I keep wondering if she's anxious to get in a house. Women are nesters.
Also, if she's shutting you down, something is wrong. You have to be able to express yourself and make decisions. It can't be one person running the show with a tantrum. In my family I talk to my wife about joint decisions, I want her input, but in the end, someone has to make a call and that someone is me. I want her support, but there have been times when I didn't have it and had to go ahead. They all turned out remarkably well. She has learned to trust me.
And the saying is, "It's easier to get forgiveness than permission."
Finally, did you read Genesis 3:6? Women sin pattern is to try to control their husbands.
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Was the jeep hobby in your life prior to marriage? It's usually easier if she knew it going in rather than you developing the love for the hobby post marriage. Not saying that you can't have a hobby, but like Jeremy mentioned, women like to control most things.