My uncle: a sad story

[Squatch]

Follow-up on this story.

Sometime in May my mom got my grandmother moved into a memory care facility close enough to visit her several times per week, and though my idiot cousin fought it tooth and nail, my mom eventually got herself established as guardian in August. Initially my grandmother actually seemed to improve as a result of the regular activity and social interaction. She always seemed to know who I was, as well as both my parents, though it seemed every time she met my wife and kids it was the first time. She did have some drama surrounding a lady that initially started out as her "best friend" and then it got weird when my grandmother became convinced that this lady was HER mother, who actually dead bear a striking resemblance but has been dead since the early 70s. Alzheimers is weird, man.

My mom proceeded to make the legal moves to get the houses put back in my grandmothers name to make sure she had enough assets to pay for the level of care she needed, for the rest of her life. She was after all, in reasonably good condition for 83 so we expected she could have years, even half a decade. The attorney that ended up needing 4x as much money as he estimated just for the guardianship didn't really seem hungry enough to be aggressive, and somewhere in the process the judge they'd been dealing with retired or something and a new judge came in that had no experience in this area. Since then things were really slow. Cousin was dragging his feet on providing things he was court ordered to provide (like medical and financial records, access to my grandmothers house, etc), his attorney at times even admitted to not even "bothering him with that right now". Typical of everybody my uncle ever surrounded him with.

In December my grandmothers health took a seemingly random turn for the worse. Was increasingly agitated, in and out of the hospital for various things, then around the 3rd or 4th of January she was transported to the hospital and was never again seen in full consciousness. After a couple of days in the hospital, she went back to the memory care facility with hospice and she passed away last week with heart and kidney failure.

Like I said from the beginning, the legal measures were always about making sure she was taken care of, and we're not interested in challenging the bogus will my uncle made. The money involved is definitely not insignificant; it could definitely do some things for us but to spend years and tens of thousands on attorney and legal fees for an unknown outcome doesn't seem worth it. We're looking at the last 7 months as a blessing that we got to spend some more time with her, rather than her living out the last 3 years of her life in isolation as my uncles prisoner. My cousins will get all of it, and will most assuredly be broke again within 12 months, but I'll never know because I have no desire to have anything to do with either of them ever again. Good riddance.

I'm glad you got to spend the time with your grandmother, brother. You and your mother reaped a reward that far exceeds any monetary inheritance. I'm sorry for the loss you and your family suffered.

 

[wkelley70]

The world is full of evil people and most folks have one or two of them in their families.

I have an uncle that in all likely hood manipulated my grandfather (who was along in years and had lost his sharpness) to change his will to give most everything to my uncle. My aunt was cheated out of over a million dollars in assets and my brother and I cheated out of a much smaller sum.

My uncle has been a ne'er-do-well, who was propped up financially by my grandfather, for for his entire life. The whole irony of this is that my aunt was always the perfect daughter and a great person. I feel bad for her.

What I learned through all of this is don't dwell on it, move on, and be a better person.

 

[sab]

Don't know how I missed this thread the first time around, freedom_in_4low, but I'm sorry for your loss. It's bad enough dealing with a loved one with brain-related issues. Having to deal with scummy relatives just amplifies the sorrow and stress. Good on your mother for putting the petty B.S. aside and looking out for her mother as best as she was able!

 

[bmcgc]

You just described my moms side of the family. We have had no interaction with them for over 50 years.

 

[suicideking]

Sorry for your loss. My mom had Alzheimer's and was in a memory care unit for 6 years. She passed in September. Horrible disease because there's really nothing you can do about it other than watch them slip away and forget who most people are.

 

[freedom_in_4low]

Sorry for your loss. My mom had Alzheimer's and was in a memory care unit for 6 years iirc. She passed in September. Horrible disease because there's really nothing you can do about it other than watch them slip away and forget who most people are.

thanks, and yep. Watched it happen to my dad's dad. He was diagnosed at 80, my grandma took care of him at home for 5 years until he collapsed on a walk in the neighborhood. Most of what came out of his mouth by that point was completely unintelligible but a couple of times a day he would get a perfectly clear sentence out. I went to see him in the memory care facility for his 86th birthday and got one of those sentences when I helped him into his bed and gave him a hug and said goodbye, he looked me in the eye and smiled and called me a "good boy". Maybe an odd thing to say to a 26 year old but I understood the sentiment behind it and to this day am thankful for that moment.

Dammit i told my wife to stop cutting onions at my desk...

 

[suicideking]

thanks, and yep. Watched it happen to my dad's dad. He was diagnosed at 80, my grandma took care of him at home for 5 years until he collapsed on a walk in the neighborhood. Most of what came out of his mouth by that point was completely unintelligible but a couple of times a day he would get a perfectly clear sentence out. I went to see him in the memory care facility for his 86th birthday and got one of those sentences when I helped him into his bed and gave him a hug and said goodbye, he looked me in the eye and smiled and called me a "good boy". Maybe an odd thing to say to a 26 year old but I understood the sentiment behind it and to this day am thankful for that moment.

Dammit i told my wife to stop cutting onions at my desk...

Yes, they do have brief moments when they have normal responses. My grandma also had Alzheimer's and passed around 20+ years ago. I remember my last visit with her. We were having a family gathering, and around 10 of us went to go visit her. She was mostly non-verbal at that point. We sat in a room with her for a bit. Then at one point my uncle said, "Alright mom, it was nice seeing you. We're going to head out." She replied with, "You're leaving so soon?" which made us all laugh because that was something she would normally say when we were going to leave. It's those brief moments that remind you who they once were and that they're still in there, just lost.