What did I do wrong this time?
- Thread starter AndyG
- Start date
That’s a good book from what I’ve heard. I’m going to suggest it to my wife. I explained what you just said to her as well. It’s possible to forgive someone and let go of the anger and pain without letting them back into your life. In fact, that doesn’t make you a bad Christian either.
I can’t really relate my family struggle to his. At best my family is mildly dysfunctional but I still didn’t have the childhood some of you guys might have. For all intents and purposes my childhood was pretty good. My dad just wasn’t there very often and later in life he really went off his rocker after my mom divorced him. So my family struggles pale in comparison to some of these guys.
You’re not wrong about my wife. It’s a daily struggle for her. She will block her family out of her life for months on end but then they find a way to rope her back in. She’s not as strong willed as
I am in that regard, but then again, I didn’t go through what she did.
Most of us here don't, but there are many out there that were raised with that family-before-all BS and have never even considered that it's not normal and need a book to convince them that's not how a healthy person operates. A lot of times the family has a matriarch or patriarch with narcissism or other disorder and has the entire family brainwashed.
My mother and my wife are two examples.
It'd be easier and more honest to just embrace your well developed sense of fashion and just roll with it.
I believe a parent should always be there for their children. I've watched parents turn their back on their child because they disagree with something for whatever reason and it's horribly damaging to their child and will never help them.
I believe some children are better off without one or both of their parents and need to realize that and act accordingly.
It took me a bit to get my point somewhat fleshed out in my head. The reason I say a book isn't needed is due to how rare it is for the person in need to not already be in discussions, had many past discussions, and is very well aware that there is an alternate reality to what they were raised under that is far more beneficial to them. The problem is they ignore it. I don't know why good advice from the person standing in front of you has less value than what is in some book. Or put another way, they aren't listening, why does the book make the difference?
Why are you letting the actions of someone you cared about cause you to question your sense of right and wrong? Does it matter if your standard is high and mighty? Are you going to change it and become someone you aren't in order to appease the aunt and her horridly inept family? Are you looking for a way to accept the unacceptable, because that is what it sounds like. Be comfy in your own skin and them that aren't okay with that can pretty much fuck right off.
I try to stick to 'never do business with friends or family'. If things go south, you lose a friend or sour family relationships. You're also more likely to let them take advantage of you or not speak up when something is going wrong. I know this may not work for someone that's part of a family business.
That said, my family is far from perfect. I have two sisters that won't talk to each other and won't be in the same room/location. They will likely end up in a physical fight if they're close enough. My dad will die of cancer in a few years. I'm the main person on the will (because I can remain pleasant with both of them). Not looking forward to dealing with my sisters.
It's kind of like arguing politics: One side has already made up their minds and there's no way you can convince them.
My family:
That said, my family is far from perfect. I have two sisters that won't talk to each other and won't be in the same room/location. They will likely end up in a physical fight if they're close enough. My dad will die of cancer in a few years. I'm the main person on the will (because I can remain pleasant with both of them). Not looking forward to dealing with my sisters.
It's kind of like arguing politics: One side has already made up their minds and there's no way you can convince them.
My family:
I saw a new word the other day. If it isn't already in the dictionary it needs to be. The word is lown. It was used in place of loan to denote items or money you give to family that they now own. You lown money to family you will never get back. Perfect.
Sorta, it is very rare to never that both sides don't have their minds made up and no convincing or well constructed argument by either party will change the other.
OP
Exactly. I think I’m so used to being wrong that I don’t know how to handle being right for once-
Sure, these are people that whipped my rear end as a kid or whatever and people that I respected in a lot of ways and I’m sure that is embedded in my brain.....But over time I saw this pattern then if anybody ever said anything about the children they were just immediately blown out- and I have had other very genuine people point that out.
Both of the children had been avoiding me because they were ashamed of their actions-
I’ve tried to look at it it every angle just to make sure that I’m not blatantly wrong, and not only am I right but I’m pretty proud of it. And I have a lot of evidence that my convictions work. (Except maybe the one minor felony
) I have decided that I’m good with this- if my stand on being consistent with what I say is not appreciated, I need new relationships where it is.
Also, I have taken this position on integrity for a long time but at the same time I’ve overlooked some things with my extended family that I’m no longer going to do- It’s just become glaringly obvious that we don’t have the same values, And there’s no reason that being related to somebody (which is certainly a choice you can’t help in terms of the family you’re born into) should cause me to question my most important goal- me being the person I am proud of. Living a life that I can sleep with. I don’t need to be happy with them, I need to be happy with me. I’m with me a whole lot.
Nope. I know you're yanking my chain - and that's OK - but in reality, this kind of thing has little to do with sexual orientation.