The douchebag of the day thread

lowranger said:
Great story! How long do we have to wait for the other one (Mistaken douchebaggery)?
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It is too hot to step back outside for a bit, so not long. Many moons ago, I lived in a 2 story house on the upper floor over the garages. The entry door faced the yard to the side, not the street. From the street, the dirt driveway went by the side of the house all the way back to the alley with no fence or gate. You could turn into the driveway from the street, drive by the entry door and stairs going up to them, hit the alley, turn left or right and be gone. In fact, an unknown car started doing just that. Turn in, zoom by, honk about even with the stairs, hit the alley and be gone. I had no idea who in the hell it was. It went on for days and days. Turn in, zoom, honk, gone. Not every day, but several times a week at random times. I lined the balcony rail with rocks so I might be able to offer some incentive with a well placed toss for them to stop so we could chat or I could at least find out who the hell it was. After many days of this, I commented to my live in girlfriend that the rocks were just not going to cut it since they lacked the range I needed by the time I heard the car turn in and got the door open. I fetched up my pistol, loaded it, set it by the front door and got ready for the next zoom.
Her- please don't do that.
Why the hell not? This asshole keeps driving by and I want to know why and I'm going to find out.
Her- He thinks we are getting married.
Who is getting married?
Her- me and him.
Him fucking who? Who the fuck is that and why is he in my driveway?
Her- He's the cute little boy that has a crush on me that I work with at the burger joint.
And???? Why is he terrorizing my driveway and how in the hell does he know where I or you live?
Her- he gave me a ride home one day. He asked me out and I didn't say no, I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
You don't think that me throwing rocks, bullets, etc. is going to be painless if I happen to quit missing his sorry ass?
Her- It wasn't supposed to get that far. I was gonna tell him to stop.
When? Before or after I quit missing?
Her- blank stare
And what is this about getting married?
Her- He asked, I just ignored him.
Were you two going out before you moved in, dating, WTF? How in the ever livin' hell do you ignore a marriage proposal?
Her- no, we just work together and you just do.
Me now with the fucking blank stare. Well, maybe you just do, but that only works until they start driving by and honking, right?
Her- more blank stare
Alright, the shit stops now, today, this instant. If he drives through here one more damn time, you and your shit are on the street as fast as I can throw it out the front door. So you either turn him off now, or you two can have at it without me in the picture.

She went to work, had some sort of conversation and it in fact did not ever happen again. Poor kid was being lead on by some confused female and it wasn't entirely his fault. Doesn't absolve him wholly of the zooming, just the reason for it. (I actually did sorta know who he was and he was a bit on the slow side, except when he was zooming by)

Good ole Suzie. As confused a female as you will ever run across. She used to live with her grandma. Grandma didn't like Suzie living with me. Grandma would call frequently and spend much time on the phone trying to convince Suzie to move back in with Grandma because I was a terrible person. One day I answered the phone. Is Suzie there?
Yes, but she can't come to the phone right now.
Why not?
I have her tied up in the closet. (not really, but fuck grandma and her conniving ways)
3 cop cars pulled up less than 5 minutes after I hung up. Guns drawn, pointed at me on the top of the stairs, hands up, where is Suzie? The door was open so I hollered at her to come out. She did, they put the guns away and left. Fuck grandma and her conniving ways.
 
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mgroeger said:
Wait, I don't get it. Is the douchebag the guy who owns the truck or the guy who's playing a Bryan Adams love song on his radio? ;)
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Ouch. What Sirius/XM decides to play when I am 100% focused on filming and not changing the channel is out of my control. If 90s on 9 makes me a DB then so be it.
 
Chris said:
Yes. I'm probably wrong, but for some reason it looks like there's a hi-lift jack in that mess of a frame.
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I kinda see what you mean I think but I see more of a manual pipe bender 🤣

533A7EED-D0E2-41BD-9E8B-E7E5E1E3F943.jpeg
 
mrblaine said:
It is too hot to step back outside for a bit, so not long. Many moons ago, I lived in a 2 story house on the upper floor over the garages. The entry door faced the yard to the side, not the street. From the street, the dirt driveway went by the side of the house all the way back to the alley with no fence or gate. You could turn into the driveway from the street, drive by the entry door and stairs going up to them, hit the alley, turn left or right and be gone. In fact, an unknown car started doing just that. Turn in, zoom by, honk about even with the stairs, hit the alley and be gone. I had no idea who in the hell it was. It went on for days and days. Turn in, zoom, honk, gone. Not every day, but several times a week at random times. I lined the balcony rail with rocks so I might be able to offer some incentive with a well placed toss for them to stop so we could chat or I could at least find out who the hell it was. After many days of this, I commented to my live in girlfriend that the rocks were just not going to cut it since they lacked the range I needed by the time I heard the car turn in and got the door open. I fetched up my pistol, loaded it, set it by the front door and got ready for the next zoom.
Her- please don't do that.
Why the hell not? This asshole keeps driving by and I want to know why and I'm going to find out.
Her- He thinks we are getting married.
Who is getting married?
Her- me and him.
Him fucking who? Who the fuck is that and why is he in my driveway?
Her- He's the cute little boy that has a crush on me that I work with at the burger joint.
And???? Why is he terrorizing my driveway and how in the hell does he know where I or you live?
Her- he gave me a ride home one day. He asked me out and I didn't say no, I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
You don't think that me throwing rocks, bullets, etc. is going to be painless if I happen to quit missing his sorry ass?
Her- It wasn't supposed to get that far. I was gonna tell him to stop.
When? Before or after I quit missing?
Her- blank stare
And what is this about getting married?
Her- He asked, I just ignored him.
Were you two going out before you moved in, dating, WTF? How in the ever livin' hell do you ignore a marriage proposal?
Her- no, we just work together and you just do.
Me now with the fucking blank stare. Well, maybe you just do, but that only works until they start driving by and honking, right?
Her- more blank stare
Alright, the shit stops now, today, this instant. If he drives through here one more damn time, you and your shit are on the street as fast as I can throw it out the front door. So you either turn him off now, or you two can have at it without me in the picture.

She went to work, had some sort of conversation and it in fact did not ever happen again. Poor kid was being lead on by some confused female and it wasn't entirely his fault. Doesn't absolve him wholly of the zooming, just the reason for it. (I actually did sorta know who he was and he was a bit on the slow side, except when he was zooming by)

Good ole Suzie. As confused a female as you will ever run across. She used to live with her grandma. Grandma didn't like Suzie living with me. Grandma would call frequently and spend much time on the phone trying to convince Suzie to move back in with Grandma because I was a terrible person. One day I answered the phone. Is Suzie there?
Yes, but she can't come to the phone right now.
Why not?
I have her tied up in the closet. (not really, but fuck grandma and her conniving ways)
3 cop cars pulled up less than 5 minutes after I hung up. Guns drawn, pointed at me on the top of the stairs, hands up, where is Suzie? The door was open so I hollered at her to come out. She did, they put the guns away and left. Fuck grandma and her conniving ways.
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That is frigging hilarious!
 
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Chris said:
Haha! Either way, I'm pretty sure this guy wanted something in that location so he could play with the control arm mounting position... you know, to adjust his anti-squat and all ;)
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Yes, indeed. His custom ladder bars
 
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mrblaine said:
It is too hot to step back outside for a bit, so not long. Many moons ago, I lived in a 2 story house on the upper floor over the garages. The entry door faced the yard to the side, not the street. From the street, the dirt driveway went by the side of the house all the way back to the alley with no fence or gate. You could turn into the driveway from the street, drive by the entry door and stairs going up to them, hit the alley, turn left or right and be gone. In fact, an unknown car started doing just that. Turn in, zoom by, honk about even with the stairs, hit the alley and be gone. I had no idea who in the hell it was. It went on for days and days. Turn in, zoom, honk, gone. Not every day, but several times a week at random times. I lined the balcony rail with rocks so I might be able to offer some incentive with a well placed toss for them to stop so we could chat or I could at least find out who the hell it was. After many days of this, I commented to my live in girlfriend that the rocks were just not going to cut it since they lacked the range I needed by the time I heard the car turn in and got the door open. I fetched up my pistol, loaded it, set it by the front door and got ready for the next zoom.
Her- please don't do that.
Why the hell not? This asshole keeps driving by and I want to know why and I'm going to find out.
Her- He thinks we are getting married.
Who is getting married?
Her- me and him.
Him fucking who? Who the fuck is that and why is he in my driveway?
Her- He's the cute little boy that has a crush on me that I work with at the burger joint.
And???? Why is he terrorizing my driveway and how in the hell does he know where I or you live?
Her- he gave me a ride home one day. He asked me out and I didn't say no, I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
You don't think that me throwing rocks, bullets, etc. is going to be painless if I happen to quit missing his sorry ass?
Her- It wasn't supposed to get that far. I was gonna tell him to stop.
When? Before or after I quit missing?
Her- blank stare
And what is this about getting married?
Her- He asked, I just ignored him.
Were you two going out before you moved in, dating, WTF? How in the ever livin' hell do you ignore a marriage proposal?
Her- no, we just work together and you just do.
Me now with the fucking blank stare. Well, maybe you just do, but that only works until they start driving by and honking, right?
Her- more blank stare
Alright, the shit stops now, today, this instant. If he drives through here one more damn time, you and your shit are on the street as fast as I can throw it out the front door. So you either turn him off now, or you two can have at it without me in the picture.

She went to work, had some sort of conversation and it in fact did not ever happen again. Poor kid was being lead on by some confused female and it wasn't entirely his fault. Doesn't absolve him wholly of the zooming, just the reason for it. (I actually did sorta know who he was and he was a bit on the slow side, except when he was zooming by)

Good ole Suzie. As confused a female as you will ever run across. She used to live with her grandma. Grandma didn't like Suzie living with me. Grandma would call frequently and spend much time on the phone trying to convince Suzie to move back in with Grandma because I was a terrible person. One day I answered the phone. Is Suzie there?
Yes, but she can't come to the phone right now.
Why not?
I have her tied up in the closet. (not really, but fuck grandma and her conniving ways)
3 cop cars pulled up less than 5 minutes after I hung up. Guns drawn, pointed at me on the top of the stairs, hands up, where is Suzie? The door was open so I hollered at her to come out. She did, they put the guns away and left. Fuck grandma and her conniving ways.
Click to expand...
Now I can go to bed. I needed that. Thanks Suzie....and Grandma...and marriage proposal kid...and last, but not....Blaine!
 
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Well I just elevated myself to the Douche-bag of the day, I put an item up for sale on a local online ad, I get a text from someone who was going to send me a check, they just needed my address. So I did the nice thing and gave him the name and address of a local prick of a police chief. I don't feel bad. He was a real prick.
 
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What's the infatuation with skulls and bones? I've wondered for years, never asked anyone.
 
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