The plans for the TJ will be the, top n doors off back roads fun but no hard core wheeling with highway\city driving just as much of the time. Semi-garage queen?
1-Does the rear axel dana 35 vs 44 make a huge difference if serious rock crawling is not in the future, probably never go above 32" tires either. I will most likely be keeping to a max 2.5" lift and the tires sticking out as little as I can, so tall and skinny sort of.
2-Soft top vs hard top. I live in the soggy and cold part of the U.S. but have wonderful summers...sometimes so want both tops. What is the cost\hassle difference between buying the one the rig doesnt have. So if I buy a rig with a soft top and buy a hard top later , is that the better way to go or is getting a tJ with a hard top and aftermarket soft top/hardware the cheaper way to go? I am looking for full doors either way.
3-Is a rubicon just the best base to go if one can afford it? I want something capable...just in case I need it but actual wheeling is not something I would ever really do. Rubicons are high priced, and for some reason mostly automatic in the ones for sale around here but if they are really that good of a start at building a capable reliable rig then thats the ticket and I will go that route.
If your plans will be just top n doors off back roads fun but no hardcore wheeling with highway/city driving for most of the time:
1. Nope. Dana 35 will be fine with 32" tires. That's also assuming you don't buy a true locker, which I don't see in your future considering what you're written above.
(I've had my Jeep for nearly 20 years running on a Dana 35 with 33" tires and no locker).
2. I can't really answer this one: I bought mine with a hardtop, and it wasn't much of a hassle to get the soft top after. Where I live (Canada), a hardtop in winter is a must...and a softtop in summer is a must.
Prices of used hard tops and soft tops vary quite a bit. I've just recently seen a hard top list for $950 here, and on the same page, someone was selling one for $250. The good thing about a hard top is they don't "wear out" nearly as fast as a soft top.
Soft tops are more difficult to find being sold used where I live...but it's all about timing.
3. The Rubicon is the top end/most expensive you can buy...I'm going to go against the grain here and recommend
not getting a Rubicon. It's kind of like saying you only plan to drive in slow residential areas, then asking if a Ferrari is a better car than [insert whatever] here. Ferrari is kinda the better car, but if you don't drive faster than 30mph - you're kind of wasting your money (aside from the looks, etc).
What does the Rubicon get you that any other Jeep doesn't - for what you've driven in the past and plan on driving in the future. Not much really. In fact, that coveted really low transfer case would be less desirable...who wants to drive down the back road at 5mph?
If the price was the same, or close - sure, get the Rubicon. But if it's a $5000 premium for features you're not going to be using...why pay it? You can spend that saved money on other things, like a winch, roof rack, fancy bumpers, 2nd vehicle, 2nd gf, etc.
Rubicons may hold their value better - but that works against you if you're buying it used.
Now - if you think you'll ever change your mind and want a "hardcore wheeling" rig, then get a Rubicon...or get a lower base model and upgrade it over time.
But honestly - a completely open diff dana 35 base model with 32" tires is going to be more than fine on back roads. Throw in a limited slip in there, and you won't have to worry at all. That's if you're honest with yourself about no "hardcore" wheeling/rock crawling.
But really, even a bottom end stock Jeep is going to handle what you plan to throw at it with little issues.
I'd personally recommend the 4.0L/6cylinder engine.