Anybody up for a random meme dump?









When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a bold proposal;
- Whoever dares to jump, swim to the coast and survive, I'll give you $ 1 million.
No one dared to move, suddenly, a man jumped into the water and desperately swam to the shore while being chased by all the crocodiles.
With enormous luck came, taking everyone's admiration at the scene, then the owner announced;
- We have a brave winner.
After collecting his reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him; he was very brave to jump, then the man said;
- I didn't jump, someone pushed me!
His wife smiled...
Moral: ′′ Behind every successful man, there's a woman who pushes him "...


-Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
Shamefully I laughed WAY TOO DAMNED HARD at this one... To add even more shame I admit I would be the one holding the paper bag!!!

Yes if you can't JOKE while working what is the point?

I was the only person who knew how to drive a semi in Iraq when I worked at the main gate. And every couple of weeks we'd have a truck that didn't pass inspection. So they'd take the driver away to ask questions of him> But now we have a truck blocking the road onto base. So it has to be moved....

And none of these damn things had a key in them. So I'd have to try and figure out what the ignition was. Then once I'd get it moved I'd also have to worry that it MIGHT blow up. That was if I got it moved without blowing myself up.
So yep I like to have fun at work.