Why is your 8 year old daughter on TikTok?

[Ephry73]

These kids need to be unplugged from their phones and electronic devices and reduce the garbage that goes into their brains. Kids need to learn without the influences of apps like tik-tok.
As a parent and my opinion, don't load your children up with these electronic babysitters. Engage and teach your child. They're sponges, so give them something worth soaking up.

The problem is with the adults as well brother. I cannot stress that enough. Kids will appreciate structure later on.

It is much easier for an adult to "let the kid watch cartoons" or whatever, rather than be immersed and engaged in what the kid is doing, or even participate and teach the kid a thing or two. It is hard, but that ol' saying "it takes a village" cannot be more real. I see this almost daily.

You know it hits a new low when the adult tells you "I'm letting him rest his eyes by letting him watching TV" after the kid spent time between virtual classroom and youtube on the TV nearby.

 

[flyinfish]

The issue is a lot of these kids don't know anything outside of the online world. I'm 30, and I still remember a time before the internet was widely used, and especially before cell phones and smart phones became popular. I work in technology so I'm immersed in it all day, but there is a reason why after work I drive home in my analog Jeep or my BMW that has no navigation or infotainment, then go outside when I'm home. It's because I need a break, and luckily I have that ability to disconnect. Many people don't even know what disconnecting means. Take away a kid's internet for a day and see how much they freak out.

If the kids didn't have those devices from the beginning, they wouldn't be freaking out about them.

Most of it can be boiled down to one word, "Parenting"!

 

[flyinfish]

The problem is with the adults as well brother. I cannot stress that enough. Kids will appreciate structure later on.

100%

 

[Rick Flair]

I’ll come at this from a different, but still agreeing point of view. I’ve been on tik-tok for 2 years now, as many of my friends and co-workers in the same age group are. The app is designed for interactions with strangers, simple as that. The videos posted are 30-60 seconds, and repeat over and over as long as you don’t scroll on. What you choose to “dwell” on (view, like, comment) is what your feed or “for you page” will consist of. Most of my first year on tik-tok all I saw was ranching and military videos because those are the ones I watched more and engaged with. Tik-tok chooses videos for you to see on your homepage based on an algorithm of what you have engaged with. Now, this means predators get videos of young girls dancing all day, where I see guys welding all day. Fortunately, there are ways to protect your kids if they let you change settings and respect your wishes.

You can:
1. Turn off duets on any video they post
2. Turn off comments which reduces engagement from creeps
3. Make the videos they post only visible to their friends that both follow them and that they follow, instead of the public - pedos included.

There are flaws in tik tok due to the wide age gap and public nature of random videos posted. However, I have also been in the many who have watched hours of videos of rioting and current events straight from the cellphones of bystanders simply because they could post them and be seen. As anything, there is evil in the world. How parents choose to approach and deal with it is inherently their duty and responsibility. I report the bad things I see, and tik tok does a solid job of taking them down and banning certain accounts.

In conclusion,
Guard your children, and teach then just how evil the world can be.

Thanks for explaining it. Having never used it but my teen does I really didn’t understand the appeal.

 

[Yuan]

New Jeep owner here who has been looking up this forum lately for tipcs/advice/tutorials etc and saw this. As a dad of a 6 yr. old girl, I want to say hats off to the OP for doing what all good parents are supposed to do. Side note--good to know this forum, which I've grown rapidly addicted to, offers parenting advice on the side too!

 

[Midtenn]

I dread the day I have to figure out what to do when my kid asks for a phone. For my parents it was easy since by the time I needed a phone there were only flip phones.

I won't have kids old enough for a phone for at least 15 years. Trying to balance the huge social implications that not having a phone will cause with their maturity will be tough. I'm surprised an 8 year old needs a phone at all. I think 8 is much too early to have a smart phone either way. I can see a flip phone loaded with their parents / grand parents.

A jitterbug?

 

[Chris]

It always comes down to the parents. Kids acting up in school, 8 year olds on TikTok, etc. You can't blame the kids for this, but you can blame the parents 100%.

Having met this girls mom, I am not the least bit shocked she is the way she is.

 

[anarce]

My son is in Scouts, and they have a great program called Youth Protection Training for the parents and leaders. You are required to take it every 2 years, and I just renewed mine. Some of it is about the specific rules for Scouting (2-deep leadership, buddy system, rules for email and texting, etc.), but there is a lot of general information on predators that is useful to all parents. Anybody can do the program online for free, and it only takes about an hour.
https://www.scouting.org/training/youth-protection/
My daughter wanted to spend the night at a friend's house for the first time not long after I first took this course, and it definitely made me more cautious. Her friend has some much older siblings that live at home and have friends over too. It still makes us nervous, but we asked her mom some questions first, about where they would be sleeping and what about the older brother that lives in the basement, do you have guns in the house, stuff like that. She was not offended, and she understood why we were asking.

 

[Chris]

My son is in Scouts, and they have a great program called Youth Protection Training for the parents and leaders. You are required to take it every 2 years, and I just renewed mine. Some of it is about the specific rules for Scouting (2-deep leadership, buddy system, rules for email and texting, etc.), but there is a lot of general information on predators that is useful to all parents. Anybody can do the program online for free, and it only takes about an hour.
https://www.scouting.org/training/youth-protection/
My daughter wanted to spend the night at a friend's house for the first time not long after I first took this course, and it definitely made me more cautious. Her friend has some much older siblings that live at home and have friends over too. It still makes us nervous, but we asked her mom some questions first, about where they would be sleeping and what about the older brother that lives in the basement, do you have guns in the house, stuff like that. She was not offended, and she understood why we were asking.

That's a great resource.

Admittedly we haven't been letting her stay the night at anyone's house for reasons lie you mentioned. We've had her friends stay the night at our house where we know we can keep things under control. However, the day will come (soon I'm sure) where she will want to stay the night at others houses, and that will be a time where we have to have a conversation with their parents. I have to assume any good parent would understand.

 

[Rick Flair]

That's a great resource.

Admittedly we haven't been letting her stay the night at anyone's house for reasons lie you mentioned. We've had her friends stay the night at our house where we know we can keep things under control. However, the day will come (soon I'm sure) where she will want to stay the night at others houses, and that will be a time where we have to have a conversation with their parents. I have to assume any good parent would understand.

They will and it’s a huge red flag if they do get upset about.

 

[Daz7]

Theres an aspect about managing the socials and letting kids a be part of the group, whilst learning whats right and wrong with regard to how they limit exposure and risk. Frankly, I'd be distancing the family in question and trying to establish friendship links with people that see the world more like you guys do.

For me, I always had my kids passwords so I could keep an eye on things. However, didn't micromanage them, just kept an eye for bad stuff.

Trying to keep kids wrapt in cotton wool isn't good, we've seen a fairly strict family nearly lose a daughter. She was the perfect child growing up, great sporting prowess and ended up being school captain and snagged early acceptance into a Medical degree at a prestigious university. Within 3 months she was hospitalised with an overdose from far too much partying.

Parenting is a tough gig nowadays.

 

[jeffkett]

I have a 12 year old daughter that is hooked on tic toc as well. I monitor is closely and have told her to take down video that I deem inappropriate. Being in LE for 30 years, I tend to be a little over paranoid when it comes to kid stuff.

 

[jeepguy03]

If the kids didn't have those devices from the beginning, they wouldn't be freaking out about them.

Most of it can be boiled down to one word, "Parenting"!

Oh definitely, but it starts in school. One of the school districts I work with has a pre-school program, and all the kids are playing learning games on iPads for most of the day.

 

[Zorba]

I've been using the Internet since the mid 90s - and thus consider myself a relative newcomer. However, the crap that goes on now, and the shitty websites that promulgate it are beyond my ken...

I was involved with dial up BBSes and RCP/Ms before that, dating back to the late 70s. There were a lot of radio amateurs (Hams) in the RCP/M world especially, and they brought their code of ethics and operating procedures with them - which was a good thing. That is, unfortunately, LOOOONG gone!

 

[Zorba]

If the kids didn't have those devices from the beginning, they wouldn't be freaking out about them.

Most of it can be boiled down to one word, "Parenting"!

THANK YOU! No kid of mine would even see a screen of ANY kind before about 8yo, and the Internet not until MUCH older, and a cell phone when they pay for it themselves at age 18. I don't give a God Damn what other kids/people are doing, what they think, or how they "socialize".

 

[Chris]

This is something her mom posted on TikTok. Read the caption.

I called it, didn’t I?

 

[Woodrow]

@Chris, now that its been a couple of years, any follow up? Did your neighbor straighten up? Are you guys having success steering your own kids away from the pitfalls of social media?

 

[Chris]

@Chris, now that its been a couple of years, any follow up? Did your neighbor straighten up? Are you guys having success steering your own kids away from the pitfalls of social media?

We don’t speak to this neighbor anymore. From everything I can tell the daughter is still on TikTok and other social media outlets.

Our children are not on social media and we have explained to them in depth why it is that they aren’t allowed to use it. They understand and are not upset with us about it. I told our oldest that one day she would thank us for this decision. Maybe not immediately, but eventually she will.

As for the neighbor and her daughter, I feel very bad for them but I can’t fix bad parenting.

 

[Woodrow]

We don’t speak to this neighbor anymore. From everything I can tell the daughter is still on TikTok and other social media outlets.

Our children are not on social media and we have explained to them in depth why it is that they aren’t allowed to use it. They understand and are not upset with us about it. I told our oldest that one day she would thank us for this decision. Maybe not immediately, but eventually she will.

As for the neighbor and her daughter, I feel very bad for them but I can’t fix bad parenting.

I was afraid that would be the case. Its so hard/unlikely for kids to recover from situations like you described. Good for you and your kids though

 

[Chris]

I was afraid that would be the case. Its so hard/unlikely for kids to recover from situations like you described. Good for you and your kids though

Yes, it’s hard enough to worry about my kids, let alone someone else’s. The world is a very bad place these days in terms of being a child.