You might be a mall crawler if...


AMS417

"The Ayatollah of rock and rolla"
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Apr 13, 2020
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Springfield MO
Hey now sometimes I do enjoy a seltzer or 9. I was hunting this year about 4 miles from the nearest trailhead and there was a remnant of an old logging road that I was on and I found a whole stash of white claw empties. I was Soo confused who the fuck would hike 4 miles into the woods, no view no nothing to drink white claws. If it was just some kids try to have some alone time why not stop at mile 2???
Seltzers are like drinking carbonated water while fruit screams at you from the other room. Designed for white girls with negative self image. "Look Becky, no calories whoohoo!" My wife loves them.
 

jjvw

12"
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Feb 17, 2018
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Colorado, USA
If you have 12 switches for lights, but 0 switches for lockers....

He told me he has Detroits on both ends
download (3).jpg
 

JEEPCJTJ

TJ Expert
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Aug 11, 2018
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Half way between Pittsburgh and Cleveland
I'm not sure which one of these is more accurate:

If you don't worry about parking at the mall in the dark to go shopping because you have a hardtop.

If you ever go to the mall in any CJ, YJ, or TJ.

Come to think of it this is the best:

If you ever go to the mall...at all.
 
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NashvilleTJ

NashvilleTJ

I miss the snow...
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Sep 3, 2020
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Nashville
I'm not sure which one of these is more accurate:

If you don't worry about parking at the mall in the dark to go shopping because you have a hardtop.

If you ever go to the mall in any CJ, YJ, or TJ.

Come to think of it this is the best:

If you ever go to the mall...at all.
Come to think of it, Covid has really taken a toll on Mall Crawlin'...
 
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Mike_H

Going my own way
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Feb 28, 2017
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Grand Rapids, MI, United States
If you have bow shackles on your bumper, but no winch...

If you call bow shackles D rings...

Corollary: If you think D-rings go on your bumper instead of your penis... You might be a mall crawler
 
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Byhumba

Learning phase
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Jul 4, 2018
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306
Location
SoCal, USA
If someone asks you if you ever use your lockers, and your response is "my doors are always locked when I park imy Jeep at the mall..."

...You Might be (definitely are?) a Mall Crawler.
 

steelhd

TJ Enthusiast
Joined
Jan 1, 2019
Messages
683
Location
Eastern WA
If you have a lift and all the offroady boltons but not a scar or scab on your tires or wheels ...

If you have a lift and all the offroady boltons with nerfs and/or steps ...
 
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